More Than Lilies

A painful and beautiful journey

2012-01-20T14:57:00.000-06:00

I call this a journey because I am the last person that wants to say "I've arrived, I've figured it out." I need a sign on my forehead that says "Work In Progress". With that said, I'm long overdue for some public confession.

For years, I've made food, instant gratification and every whim and desire that comes to mind my supreme focus. Not always consciously, that's true, but I'd be a liar if I said I made some choices without thinking twice. From a sociological standpoint, we can come up with tons of reasons (read: excuses) for this - the American culture, an abundance of resources, "living life to the fullest", tradition, "there's nothing wrong with it", "you're too hard on yourself", etc. For me, the truth is: I turn to food and satiety in its many forms for comfort, security, control and identity.

A few years ago, someone was speaking about responsibility and accountability for weaknesses in one's character and actions. The speaker pointed out many of our well-acquainted (and often, socially acceptable) reasons we give for not owning up to our failures; the list included the ones already mentioned and others like family/friend influence, upbringing, peer pressure, emotional instability. These are all rooted in the attitude of helplessness. Before I knew it, the breaking blow came out of the speaker's mouth - none of these (nor any others) are valid excuses for being a grown adult and feeding/growing in your character flaws. We were being challenged to own our failures and actions in the present; our destructive and irresponsible behaviors should (and could) no longer be blamed on anyone else.

It was an awakening. For the first time in my adult life, my heart and mind were open to the truth that I can make a conscious choice to not feed my flaws. It was also soul crushing for me. I felt utterly overwhelmed when I looked at the breadth of my destructive ways and I didn't trust in my strength to truly change. I knew I was weak and that it was my lack of strength that had always failed me.

Let me say this before going on any further: this isn't just about food. If you're reading this and think that's the case, please reconsider. It's possible that you're reading and we are not very well acquainted - oh the joys of facebook and the internets - but if we've had a conversation in the last 5-7 years, I'd like to think that you know I'm talking of much more than food issues. And as cheesy as it may sound - I would have rolled my eyes and sighed too at one point (oh how the proud fall) - I'm talking about the heart here. Your heart. My heart. Left to our own devices, we will ALWAYS choose comfort and satiety. That's the chief focus here and I'm begging you, don't disengage or shut down. Hear me out.

So, back to this journey I'm on. I was faced with my self destructive behaviors in full for the first time ever. I could see them for what they were and I was heartbroken. My excuses had been stripped away and I felt very raw, very bare to this new reality. I am the overachiever, the do-gooder, the A student, a proud firstborn. I don't fail, right?

Wrong.

I tell this story when people ask me what changed in regards to taking care of my physical self. Really, I know my thoughts and emotions were already being stirred up to see reality but it caught up with me one morning as I woke up. I looked over to the mirror on top of my dresser as I sat up in bed and I didn't recognize my reflection. I stared for a long time, trying to pick up any faint reminders of me and I couldn't. I was really scared and the heartbreak weighed heavy.

I don't know about others but the perfectionist firstborn thing plays both to my favor and my pain. When I fall, I want to pick myself up by my bootstraps, dust myself off and go. My sister said the other day, "when you decide something, you jump in head first." It's true and isn't something I'm ashamed of, really. I just don't always pick the best things to jump head first into and I'm woefully disappointed when I don't succeed. See! Favor and pain.

I woke up and knew things had to change. Through tons of interactions with others and plenty of self reflection, I finally correlated my unhealthy living with deep rooted excuses and lies I had bought into for years. I'm not sure I believe a person experiences true success with any physical change without experiencing emotional and spiritual change as well. In fact, I may someday argue that the emotional and spiritual change must occur first before anything. I may also come back and eat my words, too. Only time will tell.

The last 16-18 months have held plenty of success and failure. I've tried a crash diet, hardcore calorie tracking, USDA food guidelines (huge mistake, by the way), working out hard 5-6 days a week; I gave up trying to do anything for a short jaunt while in India thinking Indian food would prove healthier than my normal diet. It's mostly vegetarian, how could that hurt? (Side note: has anyone eaten paneer? As delicious as it is, it's not meant to be eaten everyday. Trust me and the 5-8 lbs I gained.) My pride has been tested to (what feels like) the extreme and that includes my insecurities and fears.

You know what, though? I've tasted the freedom of choice and it's what keeps me going. Even when I fall (and this happens often), I forcefully remind myself that I have a choice to make - death or life - and I'm enabled to get back up again. I told a dear friend recently, when talking about what changed down deep: "I finally believe the promise of real joy is for me and I want to do everything I can to taste it. I was a slave to myself and my appetite. I want and choose joy today."

I wonder sometimes, "what would I be like today if I believed these things but I hadn't experienced any physical progress in the right direction? Would I persevere or would I retreat into old ways?" In all honesty, I don't have a solid answer to that question. I know I'd like it to be positive, that this change is much deeper than skin, but I'm not sure. Again, only time will tell.

If you're reading and identify with anything I've said, can I encourage you? You are more than your ideas about you and your life is meant to be much more than you think it is. I'm not talking about money, social success, the ideal weight, romance. I'm talking about the down deep you - you are meant for more than your ideas of what you should be. Haven't you asked it before? In the quiet, in the still moments when the noise fades, haven't you whispered or shouted it out to yourself? Maybe even hoping that someone would answer?

I have good news: there is someone to answer. Someone heard me when I was at my lowest, when I could barely form words to express the pain and regret. I know it is hard to believe; I've doubted it countless times and don't be surprised (I won't) when I'm found doubtful again. Someone values you much more than anyone or anything else in this world; someone hears you, even in your silence. You won't ever be able to fathom His care, His love for you and He doesn't expect you to. He only asks for you to come: "Come to me, all who are weary and heavy burdened, and I will give you rest." His name is Jesus Christ and He wants to give you rest right now.

The joy, the freedom, the ability to see, the strength to make a choice, that I can get up when I fall - it is only possible because I find my peace in Him. Don't try to clean yourself up first. Don't ignore the call until tomorrow. Don't believe that you've got too much baggage or that you're beyond the gifts of grace and mercy - they're lies and only lead to more pain. Go to Him with your anger, your pain, your frustrations, your fears, your insecurities, your lusts, your hunger, your thirst. I promise that He will answer. And those ideas you've created about what your life is and can be will be trumped in painful but beautiful ways.

Choose joy. Join me on this journey

Anything

2011-10-11T12:31:00.003-05:00

(I wrote this to one of my sisters from a different mister and I felt like it needed to be posted here too)

I was thinking deeper with this quote last night and had just a few thoughts floating around as a result.

"I will do anything not to die here. I want to live and not die."

(Jen Wilkin in the Women's Bible Study at my church)

The word "live" here has so many meanings to me beyond the obvious. To live equals not dying. And I don't think of just a physical death (though it's not excluded from that meaning here) but also, I think of it as the death of dreams-to-be-fulfilled; death of who I really am inside that is hidden behind depression, self-hate, insecurity and hopelessness; death of what I could be but choose not to be by not fighting sin; death of real joy, even happiness on some levels; death of the experience of real, honest-to-goodness freedom; death of a deer-panting-for-water type of relationship with Jesus. So, therefore, since "to live" means that these things (and I) don't have to die, then "to live" means it won't be my hand that causes my body to wither away; I am free to be me because I don't bow to fear, insecurity, depression anymore; I can actually dream (!!) instead of killing my dreams when I am crippled by my sin and am hopeless; my self-imposed, closed doors to my future potential are now open; I can finally experience more than fleeting happiness but abiding joy (it's a real thing that I didn't think existed for a long time); and best of all, I get to have a relationship with Jesus that isn't a yoke but a delight.

All of this because first, I have said "I will do anything not to die here." Jen called it a "ruthless determination" to fight sin. It makes me think of a popular sermon jam with Piper. Holy smokes, it's powerful.

The quote is also indicative of how I've had to force myself to think about the sin I find myself in with the biggest, longest living idols in my life. It sticks with me because I prayed (and still do) a lot that God wouldn't turn me over to my sin, i.e. what I desired more than Him. I told Him that I needed Him to be my rescue, literally pulling me away from my sin and my selfish tendencies with whatever means was necessary. He's been faithful in this time and time again; my lust for these things still rages on and I still fail a lot but the heart-positioning that is the foundation of this quote is what I have to pursue over and over - every single day. It doesn't come natural but it's possible if I'll just ask for it every single day. I don't want to live to be a slave, I want to live to be free. Free.

Greatly loved

2011-10-04T13:53:00.000-05:00

This is an excerpt from my go-to devotional year round. Even if I listed each example, you'd never believe how often I will randomly pull up that day's morning or evening entry and it speaks straight to an issue I am dealing with that day. I sat in church on Sunday morning after singing my medicine and asked my good friend, "Why? Why does He love us? How could He?" The Lord not only continually teaches me to trust in His love for me, He also asks me to step out of the trap of unbelief. Just as I'm asking "How? Why?", He shows that He loves me - loves me just where I am, questions and all - by leading me to a passage about His very nature. Unbelievable.

Evening

"...man greatly loved." - Daniel 10:11

Child of God, do you hesitate to appropriate this title? Has your unbelief made you forget that you are also greatly loved? Surely you must have been greatly loved, to have been bought with the precious blood of Christ, as of a lamb without blemish and without spot? When God crushed His only Son for you, what was this but being greatly loved? You lived in sin and rioted in it; surely you were greatly loved for God to have been so patient with you.You were called by grace and led to a Savior and made a child of God and an heir of heaven. Doesn't this all prove a very great and superabounding love? Since that time, whether your path has been rough with troubles or smooth with mercies, it has been full of proofs that you are greatly loved. If the Lord has chastened you, it was not in anger; if He has made you poor, still in grace you have been rich. The more unworthy you feel yourself to be, the more evidence you have that nothing but unspeakable love could have led the Lord Jesus to save a soul like yours. The more disapproval you feel, the clearer is the display of God's abounding love in choosing you and calling you and making you an heir of heaven. Now, if such love exists between God and us, let us live in the influence and sweetness of it and use the privilege of our position. We should not approach our Lord as though we are strangers or as though He were unwilling to hear us - for we are greatly loved by our loving Father. "He who did not spare his own Son but gave him up for us all, how will he not also with him graciously give us all things?"* Come boldly, believer, for despite the whispers of Satan and the doubts of your own heart, you are greatly loved. Meditate on the exceeding greatness and faithfulness of divine love this evening, and then go to your bed in peace.

*Romans 8:32
(emphasis added by me)

What a difference a year can make...

2011-10-02T18:06:00.003-05:00

It wasn't but just over one year ago this month, I decided that it was time for a major change in that way that I ate, drank, stayed active, looked, etc. Inspired and encouraged by a few brave friends, I began the hard and long (thought it doesn't feel like it) process of shedding about 90-100lbs. I'm only half way done now but I can already look back in amazement at how out of control I had become.

It's a complicated battle...losing weight. Anyone who says that it's merely a physical, outward issue does not have their head screwed on right. There is no way I can combat my weight without digging down deep to figure out how I got so big in the first place. Lots of bad habits, plenty of negligence and ignorance, too much self-pity and pride...they all contributed to the problem.

I won't give you all the secrets to getting yourself together - if you're using the computer right now and watch TV at least every once in awhile, you know what steps you need to take to get it together. Instead, I'll just say this - love yourself enough to take care of yourself. It's not about physical looks, it's not about being a certain weight, it's not about being able to shop wherever you want - those are all nice and wonderful in their own way. It's about doing what is right and good and holy for your body. Stop making excuses and move. You'll never regret it, even when you're cursing Jillian Michaels/your trainer/the salad bar/the scale.

I'm only half way there but it doesn't feel that way. It feels like I've already won my life back. Now, time to move....

(Left: "before" in August 2009 / Right: "half way done" in September 2011 / approx. 55-60lbs gone!)

Life in India - The People, part two

2011-09-13T15:46:00.000-05:00

*Note: I meant to write this while still in India but life happened and I'm just posting it now. Thanks for understanding!

Last time I wrote about India, I talked about the people - in general - of that great nation. I didn't get a chance to really dig into my fun times with all of my teammates and the many others that I encountered on a regular basis. That's what I hope to do here - to recount more than just stories, but to express my deepest gratitude for hospitality beyond anything I've experienced to that point.

My business goal for the trip was to train a group of approximately 30 people on how to manage the Quality Assurance function of survey programming at my company. Seeing as I took the lead in refining the process internally over the last few years, I was asked to present it and teach it for two months in Gurgaon, India. I believe my trip was a success regarding this goal and I'm excited seeing the fruits of it today. Being super detail-oriented is not for everyone and I was so happy to see people work very hard to refining this skill in themselves.

My personal goal for the trip was to make friendships that would carry over past the duration of the trip and welcome a large group of people into the cultural fold of our company. I knew that I would get a chance to learn about India like I hadn't yet in the U.S., but what I didn't realize was that India and the people at Genpact would welcome me into the cultural fold of India.

I'm still not sure I can completely convey with words what the two-month experience was like. I was immediately struck with the warmest hospitality by everyone around me, even many people who initially just stared at this pale, blonde-haired, blue-eyed Westerner. (To pretend I didn't stand out and attempt to blend in was a joke, let's be honest. So I embraced it as often as I could!)

A few highlights with these amazing people:

The impromptu photo shoot in the walkway of the office - *almost* everyone loved getting their personal pictures taken
Having to repeat myself regarding colloquialisms that are Western and have no relevance in India - I still failed at this, as hard as I tried
Getting used to the side-to-side head nod that accompanied many of my questions to the class; is that a 'yes', a 'no' or a 'maybe'? (I was doing it myself before I knew it and it still hasn't worn off at home - I love it!)
The heated QA jeopardy and housey trivia games amongst the blue, red and yellow teams. If I remember right, blue team took the lead many times, right everyone?
Friday night dinner at Ambience Mall with the QA peeps - still one of my fondest memories altogether. (I learned Indian food tastes better when you eat it with your hands)
Getting into Sahil's car with all the girls and hearing Taylor Swift on the stereo - so funny!
The superhero discussion one early morning on the night shift - RAJNIKANTH! (I'm not a person who recalls quotes well but I can still quote things that Bhupendra, Divesh and Lalit said about superheroes - so funny!)
Akash reminding me that though the weekend started the next day, most of my Saturday would be ruined since I had to sleep most of the day
Pizza - instead of pronouncing the word with the t-sound like peet-zah, everyone says peez-zah
Priyanka walking me down to the doctor's office after I gave up on my pride and admitted I was sick
The look in Vittesh's eyes when we would talk about steak - still cracks me up
The care and concern everyone would express when I came in tired or not feeling too well
Everyone encouraging me with their sweet sentiments when I wore "Indian dress" - I still wear it sometimes in U.S.!

And that's just a sampling of things I enjoyed with these great people!

There were several other people that were blessings to me:

The men who worked in the hotel restaurant - they would see me come in and immediately offer to bring any number of my favorite items (aloo paratha, masala dosa, bhaji, dal, cappucino, egg omelette, dim sum, etc.)
Head housekeeper, the hotel's general manager and the female assistant manager - always so helpful
Sweet, cute kids that live in the house behind my hotel building - they always waved "bye, bye, bye" when they'd see me
All of the drivers, taking me to-and-from the office, all over Gurgaon and Delhi, etc.
The cute family that stopped me in Kingdom of Dreams to ask me my name and where I was from rather than stare and run away - they were the first ones to do that and were just so fun to talk to
Shailaja, Manish, Avani and Tanisha - they knew I'd need to adjust some and were really encouraging the entire time
The Park Plaza restaurant staff - I'd come in alone a lot and they would strike up some really good conversations

I will be forever grateful to the people who showed me nothing but kindness while I was there; no doubt, my trip would not have been so wonderful if it had not been for them.

Songs to Sing

2011-08-17T10:29:00.000-05:00

Never Once

by Matt Redman (performed), Jason Ingram & Tim Wanstall

Standing on this mountaintop

Looking just how far we've come

Knowing that for every step

You were with us

Kneeling on this battle ground

Seeing just how much You've done

Knowing every victory

Is Your power in us

Scars and struggles on the way

But with joy our hearts can say

Yes, our hearts can say

Never once did we ever walk alone

Never once did You leave us on our own

You are faithful, God, You are faithful

Kneeling on this battle ground

Seeing just how much You've done

Knowing every victory

Is Your power in us

Scars and struggles on the way

But with joy our hearts can say

Yes, our hearts can say

Never once did we ever walk alone

Never once did You leave us on our own

You are faithful, God, You are faithful

Scars and struggles on the way

But with joy our hearts can say

Never once did we ever walk alone

Carried by Your constant grace

Held within Your perfect peace

Never once, no, we never walk alone

Never once did we ever walk alone

Never once did You leave us on our own

You are faithful, God, You are faithful

Every step we are breathing in Your grace

Evermore we'll be breathing out Your praise

You are faithful, God, You are faithful

Life in India - The People, part one

2011-08-05T17:47:00.002-05:00

*Note: I wrote this while still in India but life happened and I'm just posting it now. Thanks for understanding!

Let me tell you all something that you may not know: the people of India are some incredible people. Trust me, I don't dole out that compliment very often (a rather unfortunate matter all of its own). I tend to think people are morally corrupt until proven otherwise (I kid, I kid). Seriously though, I have been blown away over and over again by these beautiful people - their hospitality, the love of family, their commitment to hard work, the devotion to tradition, and more than anything, their resilience. If there is anything that would keep me in India, its the people.

About 1.2 billion human beings live in all of India. To give you some perspective, India's landmass is slightly more than 1/3 of the size of the U.S. While the U.S. has approximately 311 million people, India has four times as many people! All that to say: India can feel just a little crowded, especially in "touristy" places or in the cities. Also, the hard truth about India is that it's technically still considered a developing country, despite the large number of technology and IT-related companies that find a home here. As a result, there are hundreds of millions of people living at what many people consider extreme poverty.

For my entire trip in India so far and especially to/from Agra, I question, "How do people manage this lifestyle everyday?" I'm not talking about the person who makes a decent living and is able to provide well for their family. I'm talking about the people I see cooking food for their families on the sidewalk within a short walk from my hotel. I'm talking about the women who sit on the side of the road with their babies running around only in t-shirts in the gravel dirt, waiting for who knows what. My Western sensitivities and ideas about living are assaulted over and over again by what I see all around me. I live a plush life in Texas and there is a part of me that cannot remain the same after seeing what I've seen. And I don't want it to! Almost daily I am struck with a pang of guilt and another "Why?". Why, that as I tuck myself into this nice queen size bed in this 4 or 5 star hotel, a family literally just downstairs from my room lived in a brick hut that was just knocked down by a developer?

I don't want you to hear me saying something I'm not so let me be clear: the Indian people do not need my/your/our pity. That is not my purpose in writing all of this. More than anything I want to be challenged and to challenge you all in your way of thinking about life and its many pleasures. Do not take anything you have for granted. It is all a gift.

I've talked to Fima, Manish, Avani and Shailaja about this a few times over the last few weeks. I cannot bear to be silent about what I see and I have so many questions. How do they do it? What goes on in a mother's heart and mind when she hoists herself onto the back of a motorcycle, knowing she has only two hands to hold onto to safety for herself and her baby? How do you decide whether to roll down your car window to give the legless man down below a few rupees? What happens when 120 degrees outside threatens to drain you of your life and there is no escape?

Many will say that I can't bother with all the "what-if" and "why" thoughts...they'll overwhelm me, they say. Others say to do what you can and trust God with the rest.

I have yet to find an answer that fits and feels right. I don't want to walk away from India more selfish than I came - grateful to learn a life lesson about my abundant blessings and leave it at that. No, that won't do.

So, what to do? I know a few good resources available immediately that can provide some help to someone here in India - great and small.

First, there is Compassion International - one of my favorite organizations. There are tons of beautiful faces attached to beautiful kiddos that need some support for school, healthy food, etc. If you're interested, check it out! I am planning to choose an Indian friend for my buddy Juan in Nicaragua. Maybe a girl this time!

Also, As Our Own is a wonderful organization based in India that serves to "rescue children from lives of slave labor, such as organized begging and the sex trade." You can easily sign up for their email distribution list or follow them on Facebook to keep up with tangible and intangible needs there.

Finally, there are several other organizations that commit themselves to the people of India: in financial ways, in physical resources, in prayer, etc.

Water.org for clean water
WorldVision.org for child sponsorship
Love146 for prevention, awareness & recovery from sex trafficking

I am sure there are many, many more to list but these are a few that jump out to me by either experience with each org or word of mouth from others.

The people I encountered in the office (amazing people!! see a picture of some of us below), all of the car drivers, hotel staff, restaurant staff, rickshaw drivers, market salespeople, hospital staff...they were exceptional! They were all so warm, welcoming and very eager to make me feel at home as much as possible. I would not have made it through my time there were it not for them!

It's the people of India that I will miss most of all.

I want to write again about the people of India but more specifically about my new teammates, the guys and gals that opened up their minds and hearts to welcome me in. Stay continued for part two...

(Take one)

(Take two...more open eyes!)

(A fun group of people)

Life in India - Trip to Agra

2011-05-30T18:31:00.000-05:00

I think it has been a whopping three weeks since I wrote much of anything on this blog. So sorry to everyone who has been trying to keep up via the blog! I've tried to update facebook fairly often but even then, I'm struggling to post things because I have been all over the place lately.

So, first things first - you need to hear and see the trip to Agra!

Jai Gurudev temple on the road to Agra

We left Gurgaon around 6:30am on Saturday morning and almost immediately started the trip to Agra. The drive itself took about four and a half hours and we arrived in Agra at about 11:30am. Just like most of my rides around Gurgaon, my eyes stayed peeled open on the ride to Agra - we drove through so many villages along the way, I didn't want to miss anything. We saw temples, colleges, city life, camels, cows - all while driving 90-100 kmph in Indian traffic!

Highway sign pointing us in the right direction

Traffic jam!

Auto rickshaw repair stop

Statues of gods ready for purchase

Another traffic jam, this time with bulls (or cows or water buffalo - whatever they are!)

When we arrived in Agra, all I could think about was finally seeing the Taj Mahal. The drive was definitely worth it. Trust me when I say that pictures don't really capture the beauty of this place. Inside, it's not that fascinating since there is no electricity and it's quite dark. But the outside is beautiful up close and far away. Even the idea of being at the Taj Mahal - this place that was built over 400 years ago and took 22 years to build in total - left me mostly speechless :-)

The entrance gate to the main attraction. It was very beautiful on its own!

As you walk towards the entrance, the anticipation increases...

Almost in full sight...

There it is!!

A view back at the entrance gate from a platform that holds the Lady Diana bench

SHADE! Sweet relief from the heat

One of the two buildings that flank the Taj Mahal

The interesting part, for me, about the Taj Mahal is the amount of work that went into building this place. Not only is it almost entirely symmetrical in every way, every single fleck of color in that white marble is in-laid by hand with gemstones. The Arabic that surrounds most of the arches of the building were created with pieces of black onyx

Our director, Mark, hired a tour guide for the trip around Agra and after visiting the Taj Mahal, the tour guide took us to a nice restaurant for lunch, followed by a few stops at some shops that create similar artwork found in the Taj. The first shop dealt with marble artwork in-laid with gemstones and jewels. The amount of time and hard work that goes into the smallest item is incredible. The coaster below includes more than 40 individual pieces of gemstones that are cut to size manually by the men who do this trade for a living. One 4 foot diameter table with probably about 50-75 of these flowers on it will take a team of men about 8-9 months to complete. One table top - three men - 9 months of work. Incredible!

After lunch and all the handicraft shops, we stopped by Agra's Red Fort. Unfortunately, I had quite a headache from the heat and sun so I stayed in the van with Fima while the other 3 people in our group went inside Red Fort. It didn't take long for Agra's most needy people to approach the van and ask for money; in less than one hour, we likely saw 6-8 different kids or women. This is the most difficult thing to see in India, by far. I have acclimated to the cows, the pigs, the trash, the crowds, the lack of English in most places, the spicy foods but these faces - I'm not sure I have ever felt so helpless in my life. But...that is a post all of its own.

Once the visit to Red Fort was finished, we made our way out of Agra and back to Gurgaon. I thought riding in a car with an Indian driver during the day was nerve-racking; night rides are terrifying! I trust these guys - it's their job to drive everywhere - but it doesn't keep me from getting carsick or jumpy when we drive just a little too close to a family of five on one motorcycle.

That's right - a family of FIVE on ONE motorcycle. You won't believe it unless you see it. In one instance, the mother sat on the very back with her infant bouncing in one arm as she held onto the bike with her other hand. I couldn't help but think about all of the side airbags and expensive carseats and helmets that are abundantly available in the U.S. And yet, this is normal everyday life for millions of people here. It makes the cramped car rides in my dad's single cab truck with the whole family seem like a cakewalk.

Kids playing cricket - if there's an empty field, people are playing cricket!

So, that's it for Agra and the Taj Mahal. I hope you enjoy the pictures! I will follow up this post with another about the many visits I've made to Delhi in the last few weeks.

Love you all!

Agra and Taj Mahal Preview!

2011-05-10T18:18:00.001-05:00

Training has really ramped up over the last week or so and I don't have as much time to do blog updates at the moment but I promise to make time this weekend. That being said, I have a few pictures for a little preview of our fun in Agra to see the Taj Mahal.

And it happened...

2011-04-27T16:42:00.000-05:00

I got the sick stomach. Boo!

Granted, it could be much much worse. I'm mostly dealing with stomach cramps, "washroom issues" and absolutely no desire to eat a real meal. My diet for the last 72 hours consists solely of bottled water, Clif bars, raw almonds, honey Teddy Grahams and cheddar flavor rice snacks - all items from home.

I felt very confident (first mistake!) after my second or third day here - I had tried various cuisines and successfully avoided any sign of an upset stomach. I got adventurous my first day in the office for training (second mistake!) and tried a cheese and mushroom panini with a small iced latte. Whoops! I think that's what set this off. That, or the ravioli from the hotel that had tons of black pepper in it. I'm not sure which is the real culprit.

In any case, I am looking for a straw to sink into my bottle of Pepto Bismol. Everyone is very accommodating and wants to help; constant offers of medicines or "safe" meals are offered, though at this point, I am not sure there is a safe food for my current state. I promised I would try some Domino's pizza tomorrow for lunch so pray I am able to eat by then! I had an Indian-style grilled cheese for lunch today; while it tasted delicious, I think it only irritated my stomach more. For my American friends, try adding diced tomato and onion along with a soft cheese - maybe monterey jack - for a grilled cheese. It's delicious!

Other than my gastro news (you are so lucky for reading, right?), most everything else is going well. The training is coming along nicely, especially after today's session. I gave the class their first glance at a real-life questionnaire and what they will be working with on a daily basis. Whereas the questions about Days 1 and 2 were difficult to pull out from the crowd, now there are a great amount of questions. A general sense of wanting to discover the purpose behind why clients do the things they do for research is bubbling up. I love it!

The rides between the hotel and the office hypnotize me. I sit wide eyed every time! I wish I was brave enough to bring out my camera to share this with you all; I do not want to be rude or being "touristy" though I will likely succumb soon :-) Let me tell you this - the people of India are about the nicest people I have ever encountered. Ever!

Several people have asked about the flight here and my sleep schedule switching over to local time. It's been a real challenge. I would not suggest a 15-hour flight to anyone! Ack! It was difficult for me, I will just say that.

My sleep schedule has not acclimated just yet - it's only been 6 days. This week, I leave my hotel at 7:15am (8:45pm CST) to be at the office before 8am. I get back to the hotel around 3pm (4:30am CST) and most days I sleep right away, missing dinner and waking up again around 11pm or midnight. I then do some training prep for a few hours and sleep for 1-3 hours before waking up around 6am for the new day. Of course, today that schedule worked great, I feel very rested but my training schedule changes next week to 3pm-10pm so I will have to adjust all over again!

I must work on some more materials before 6am comes to soon; it is 3am right now and I am wide awake.

Until next time - cheers!

Stoplights

2011-04-25T13:34:00.000-05:00

I'll keep this one brief - I'm so busy building decks for training this week! The team members here are very well prepared for our time in India, so we blew through my first two days of training in just one day!

I had my first "unpleasant" experience at a stoplight today. When I say unpleasant, please do not hear me saying annoying, irritating, frustrating, etc. I say unpleasant - for lack of a better word - because my conscience and heart hurt a little after pulling away.

I was picked up by our private driver for the trip back to the hotel from the office. It is a brief trip, maybe 15-20 minutes, though I am probably underestimating it. My eyes fly wide open as I try to take in everything going on around me during every car or rickshaw ride. For an observer like me, I have been overstimulated constantly the last few days!

Anyhow, the driver picked me up in the late afternoon so we hit a bit of traffic on our way to the hotel. When sitting quite awhile at a stoplight with cars all around us, a young boy caught my eyes and as soon as he caught mine, he appeared at my car door.

Let me say that I was prepared for this scenario. I knew to expect young kids asking for money and being rather persistent about it. This was my first bout with it, though, and it is still fresh on my mind.

Even back home, I have a hard time with not desiring to empty my wallet for people just like this boy. Do I empty my wallet every time? No. Do I give cash away when I have it at times? Yes, absolutely. Did I do that today? No.

Without becoming too philosophical about the entire subject, I will simply say that I am torn in both ways. There are many people in need, not just in India but everywhere really. What do you do in these situations? There are many scams that I could be too naive to see because my judgment is clouded by my emotions. Should that really matter though? What is the difference between the smiling Indian boy and the scraggly old man in Dallas?

I want to have open hands/be generous AND I want to be responsible. Should a line be drawn here? I'm not sure.

So, anyway, those are some thoughts rolling through my mind here at almost midnight. Those thoughts and that big, toothy grin accompanied by the persistent window-knocking and "ma'am, ma'am, ma'am, ma'am".

How to: Ride a Rickshaw 101

2011-04-23T16:33:00.003-05:00

Wow. First full day in India and I already made my way into a manual rickshaw! Rickshaws are small carts, usually for 2-3 passengers and are motorized, manually pedaled like a bicycle or pulled. I didn't realize that some people are clueless about rickshaws so...

This is a picture of a common auto rickshaw in India (and maybe other places, I am not sure)

And this is an almost identical picture to the manual rickshaw I rode this afternoon/evening...

In the interest of lighter suitcases and no worry about blowing up my home electronic appliances, I did not pack my hair dryer, flat iron, alarm clock, etc. You need plug adapters and voltage converters for those things and I heard these appliances would be very inexpensive to buy once I got here. So, seeing as my first day of training is Monday (and it's 2:20am Sunday right now - Happy Easter! He is risen!), I needed to venture out of the hotel compound and find a flat iron. The hotel staff and my local contact said to call a driver for the trip to the market because walking there is a 30-minute endeavor in 90+ degree heat.

The last person we spoke to before leaving hailed a rickshaw - a manual one at that - and who are we to argue, right? 30 rupees for the trip (~$0.75) and we're there! So, we leave and immediately see why this ride is so cheap! If you've been to Mexico and I say that the road conditions and driving are worse than Mexico, you will know how crazy it is. The signs that line the highway speak volumes: "Lane driving is sane driving!" Not that I mind it too much - when in Rome, right?! People give lots of cautionary honks along the way (honking is not an aggressive behavior like at home) but wow! Talk about asking the good Lord for safe travels hahaha!

We arrived at the open-air market and in my mind I determined to not stay too late as I did not want to experience the rickshaw in the dark. Many Indian friends suggested that I not stay out of the hotel past dark so that was in the back of my mind as well. What happened though? We became so intrigued with the shops and just plain observing everything around us that it was past sunset before we asked for a ride back to our hotel.

Galleria open-market in Gurgaon

Let me say a couple of things here before going on: first, "we" includes Fima - my Canadian teammate - and myself, i.e. we both are fair-skinned people that stand out quite well as the tourist type; the roads in the city are DARK at night as street lights are not that common; many of the locals do not speak English very well; NOTHING has a formal street address - every place is only labeled with a city phase (district) number, identifying what part of town it is. So, I can't just say - "hey, take me to 12345 Gurgaon Avenue" - street addresses don't exist.

So we've approached the curb, ready to hail a rickshaw for our supposedly quick trip back to the hotel. Immediately a bidding war takes place between two rickshaw drivers and Fima is reminding them, "we only paid 30 rupees to get here, we are not paying more than that." We climb into one rickshaw just for him to say no, the other guy will take us (not sure why the change of heart after he won the bidding contest). We agree to pay him 40 rupees because we really just want to get back since it's past dark already.

Needless to say, we fell for the ole switcheroo and ended up at an apartment complex whose name is not even close to the name of our hotel. My gullible mind says that this guy just doesn't know what we told him about the hotel while Manish - my Indian co-worker who arrived late this evening - says that the rickshaw driver pretended to not know so that he could turn back around and take us to the right hotel for a higher fee. Please take a moment and attempt to understand this logic.

1) He manually cycled the cart, easily weighing 400 lbs, in the opposite direction of the hotel before turning around. 2) He might have been 5'2" and maybe 100 lbs. 3) He had to ride UP A HILL. 4) It was dark, late, crowded, and the traffic was quite thick. Why do all of this for 20 extra rupees?!

We finally arrived back to our hotel, he demanded 60 rupees with a big smile on his face and while Fima was generous with 50 rupees, I relented (for the sake of ending the argument) and pitched in the last 10. 60 rupees is equavilent to about $1.50 and whether or not he "got lost" intentionally, I don't mind adding in just a few more cents. This guy probably makes $100-150 in a month, let him have it.

You'll be happy to know, the entire experience allowed me to purchase just one pack of gum and some chocolate biscuits (cookies). More than that, I had an experience that even Manish has never had himself! SWEET!

All was relatively safe and I enjoyed it. Eh. Lesson learned, right? And in case you're wondering, I did not purchase a flat iron. I guess "cheap" just means cheaper than a Chi or something. The prices were 1700-2000 rupees, i.e. $40-49!*

Until next time, friends - cheers!

*Update: I found out today that shopping in Gurgaon is a great deal more expensive compared to nearby Delhi. So, in fact, flat irons can be quite cheap, just not in Gurgaon apparently!

My first time across the Atlantic Ocean!

2011-04-21T02:08:00.000-05:00

Hello friends & family!

Here's the first of what I hope is many posts about the big trip to India! It's 1:05am CST, I'm fully packed and almost completely ready to go. I can hardly think about sleeping which actually works in my favor (for the first time EVER). I'll need to sleep for the first few hours out of Chicago (I layover there after flying out of DFW) so that I can start transitioning to Gurgaon/Delhi time. When I arrive in Delhi at the end of my 15 hour flight, it will be 5:45pm local time which is about 7:15am CST. Needless to say, I'll be about a third of the way around the other side of the world and "transition" is a kind word compared to what I'll actually be doing. Gurgaon is ~8,200 miles from Dallas!

My manager, Sandy, asked me if I'd be interested in traveling to India to train people at a new partner company and it was all I could do to keep from jumping out of my chair with a big "yes!" I have only dreamed about visiting India, experiencing its rich culture and actually seeing in-person the second most populous nation in the world. With ~1.2 billion people, India will most surely be a near opposite of Texas's wide open spaces.

For the entire two months, I will be in the city of Gurgaon - a large IT hub in the state of Haryana. There are so many things I'd love to talk about. Most people have asked two main questions: what are you most excited for? What are you most nervous/scared about?

The answers to those questions have varied over time. Excited for...authentic Indian food, being in India, training others to do something I really enjoy, the heat, being a part of a big initiative with my company, seeing sights (the Taj Mahal!!) that I've only read and seen pictures of. All very exciting, all on my list at one point or another. Fears or anxieties...food sickness, jet lag, clogged ears from the flight, safely getting around the city, having all of my materials ready when they're needed for training, being understood well despite my Texas tongue, forgetting cultural sensitivities.

These things have made up a majority of my conversations as of late. Just over the last couple of days, though, a new concern has creeped up: homesickness.

It was one of the very first concerns Sandy had for me when presenting the opportunity. I waved it off, nah! Me? Get homesick? I love to travel! I've dreamed of living in other cities, taking long trips across foreign lands, even being a missionary in various places. I was sure homesickness is just not something built in me.

Unexpectedly, that attitude took a turn sometime last week and I started to see things a little differently. First, my best friends surprised me with a night of fun eating hamburgers (not much beef in India), drinking wine and enjoying one another one last time before the trip. Then, the reality of the trip started to sink in - I'm actually going to India! The real switch happened when my mom started crying over the phone during the most simple conversation. To make it worse, she mentioned my dad is having an even worse time "keeping it together" than she is.

That little phone call made all the difference. I spend so much time independent and doing life that I forget how intertwined we all are. It will be a fantastic experience, I do not doubt that at all! But, I'm being honest with myself and the possibility that homesickness might settle in.

That's what this fancy (or not so fancy, depending on your standards hah!) blog is for...to battle homesickness and in the meantime, share a few funny stories and pictures. I hope you enjoy and please leave comments!

I will try to post again once I'm setting into my apartment in Gurgaon and am no longer a walking zombie. Thank you for all of your support, thoughtfulness and prayers!

Blocked, Then Accepted

2011-04-07T13:05:00.000-05:00

This is some good stuff, friends. I pulled this straight from the Desiring God blog.

God’s Love: Blocked, Then Accepted

April 3, 2011 - by John Piper

George Herbert was born on this day in 1593. He described his poems as echoes of the conflict between God and his own soul. Yes, but there is also resolution. He had been subdued by love.

Here we see the love of God blocked, and then accepted. I pray that love will triumph for you in this way.

LOVE (III)
by George Herbert

Love bade me welcome, yet my soul drew back,
Guilty of dust and sin.
But quick-ey'd Love, observing me grow slack
From my first entrance in,
Drew nearer to me, sweetly questioning
If I lack'd anything.

"A guest," I answer'd, "worthy to be here";
Love said, "You shall be he."
"I, the unkind, the ungrateful? ah my dear,
I cannot look on thee."
Love took my hand and smiling did reply,
"Who made the eyes but I?"

"Truth, Lord, but I have marr'd them; let my shame
Go where it doth deserve."
"And know you not," says Love, "who bore the blame?"
"My dear, then I will serve."
"You must sit down," says Love, "and taste my meat."
So I did sit and eat.

Control

2011-01-12T10:18:00.000-06:00

This is an excerpt from a book called Jesus Lives by Sarah Young. I have not read this book, and actually just found out about it today, but I saw an excerpt from it on the Our Crazy Marriage blog and man, can I tell you that it was the perfect time for me to read this? Don't you love it when that happens? I do...

Anyhow, here's the excerpt. I hope it catches you and makes you think like it did for me.

CONTROL

Entrust your loved ones to Me. They are much safer with Me than in your clinging hands.

Sometimes you confuse loving others with rescuing them. When a loved one has a problem, you often feel responsible to come up with a solution. Then you plunge headlong into problem-solving mode, as if you're obligated to provide sound advice. I want to help you stop feeling responsible to fix people since that is My role--not yours.

It is My prerogative to bring about change in people's lives as I choose to do so. You can be part of the process, but remember that I am the Author and Director of the drama. You need to follow My script rather than creating your own. Do not usurp My role in people's lives, no matter how much you long to help them.

When you feel compelled to rescue a loved one, take a good look at the quality of your love. Learn from Me, because I have all authority in heaven and on earth: I could rescue or control anyone at will. Yet I intentionally created people with the capacity to choose good or evil. I wanted them to be free to love Me--or not. Love that has no choice is not real!

Subordinate your deficient, controlling love to My perfect, empowering Love. Prayerfully release your loved ones into My protective care. Restrain your urges to solves their problems. Instead, use your time and energy to listen to them and pray for them. Trust in My Love and My unsearchable wisdom. I can work changes in your loved ones' lives beyond anything you might ask or imagine. As you release these precious ones to Me, linger awhile in My unfailing love--for them and also for you.

Then Jesus came to them and said, "All authority in heaven and earth has been given to me." (Matthew 28:18)

Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen. (Ephesians 3:20-21)

Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love, for I have put my trust in you. Show me the way I should go, for to you I lift up my soul. (Psalm 143:8)

Navigating the holidays....single

2010-12-15T18:52:00.000-06:00

Before you jump on me about being "content in my singleness", please bear with me. It's not easy to be vulnerable and transparent, especially in this daily battle against lies while seeking hard after truth. This is a confession, not a lecture.

Here I am again. It's December 15th - just nine days until Christmas and fifteen until New Year's Eve. I'm working my tail off at work. Buying a few small gifts for the extra special people in my life. Avoiding the milky chocolate goodness that is homemade fudge (with a 98% success rate). Anticipating the new year just around the corner. Here I am again. Single during the holidays.

I have tons of memories of this month. Warm Christmas mornings with my family, watching the Christmas Day parade. Christmas Eve at my grandma's house every single year, cramped into that little living room just to be near to my great family. Deep breaths of crisp, winter air all the while hoping for just a few snowflakes. Hot cocoa and Mom's cookies, crocheted blankets and fuzzy socks. Wood fires in my parents' house. The hustle and bustle of shopping malls (Lord help us). Pink cheeks from the cold air outside and twinkling lights on homes around the neighborhood.

All of these are great things. I never want to diminish the happiness that is associated with these things every year.

Today, I can't help but feel something is missing from this picture. You know what I'm talking about if you've ever been single longer than you wanted to be. It's an ache, deep down, right? Am I alone in this? I hope not.

I had just turned 19 years old when I began writing to my future spouse. It sounded very weird to me the first time I heard of the idea. "How do you write to someone you don't know yet?", I'd think. It didn't take long for me to get the hang of it. I've filled four or five notebooks in the last six'ish years. It's therapeutic. It's gutwrenching. It's exciting.

But I wonder each time I turn to a fresh page lately, are these letters - love letters - written in vain? "Will this really happen for me, Lord?" is a very common question from my praying lips.

You don't know this about me but I got my heart broken around this time of year. I was 17 years old. I thought I was in love with this guy that made me feel like a million bucks. I was ready to turn my life upside down for him. If I'm honest, I knew something was off. My conscience would not rest and on that typical December afternoon, as I checked my email at my part-time job downtown, all of my plans changed. I cried until I fell asleep most nights; I didn't eat for three or four days at a time; I swore that he'd come back when he realized his mistake (that's an entirely different story for another day). I had a hole in my heart, one that I swore was so real I could feel it drawing my chest in with each sob.

I'll save you many more details, but in the end, I realized I needed that broken heart. I would not have seen my need for my heart Healer if I didn't go through that awful December afternoon. I would have idolized that man for who knows how long. My Father did what I could not do for myself.

The same is true today, this December 15th of 2010. My Father does for me what I cannot do for myself. Brace yourself fellow singles: He gives me singleness to break me apart for my ultimate good in His plan. The truth is - I don't always feel "ready" for marriage or even a relationship. I see selfishness, pride, idolatry in myself on a good day. I am surrounded by beautiful family members and friends that give and give and give and yet, I still let them down with a bad attitude or just plain ole apathy. I am not confident that I would be a good wife; in fact, given the many stories I've heard from some wise women, I will most definitely fail in my own strength.

Though I look forward to the day when I get to celebrate with my own special guy, I know it will come soon enough. I will keep writing letters in my notebooks. That ache deep down inside will continue to make me turn towards my Jesus. I will intentionally practice selflessness and humility with the great people around me. I will enjoy my memories of Decembers past and make many more wonderful memories this December. I will not idolize the gift of marriage; instead, I will worship the ultimate Giver of gifts.

So, here I am again. Single this holiday season. Sounds like a blessing in disguise.

Songs to Sing

2010-12-07T17:48:00.000-06:00

I NEVER GET TIRED OF HEARING AND SINGING THIS SONG. It takes my breath away most times and I hope you enjoy it as much as I do.

How He Loves by John Mark McMillan
(also performed by David Crowder Band)
He is jealous for me,
Loves like a hurricane, I am a tree,
Bending beneath the weight of his wind and mercy.
When all of a sudden,
I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory,
And I realize just how beautiful You are,
And how great Your affections are for me.

Oh, how He loves us so,
Oh how He loves us,
How He loves us so.

Yeah, He loves us,
Whoa! how He loves us,
Whoa! how He loves us,
Whoa! how He loves!
Yeah, He loves us,
Whoa! how He loves us,
Whoa! how He loves us,
Whoa! how He loves!

We are His portion and He is our prize,
Drawn to redemption by the grace in His eyes,
If grace is an ocean, we’re all sinking.
So Heaven meets earth like a sloppy wet kiss,
And my heart turns violently inside of my chest,
I don’t have time to maintain these regrets,
When I think about, the way...

That He loves us,
Whoa! how He loves us,
Whoa! how He loves us,
Whoa! how He loves!
Yeah, He loves us,
Whoa! how He loves us,
Whoa! how He loves us,
Whoa! how He loves!

Oh, oh, oh, oh
Oh, oh, oh, oh

Well, I thought about You the day Stephen died,
And You met me between my breaking.
I know that I still love You, God, despite the agony.
...They want to tell me You're cruel,
But if Stephen could sing, he'd say it's not true, cause...

Cause He loves us,
Whoa! how He loves us.
Whoa! how He loves us.
Whoa! how He loves.
Yeah, He loves us!
Whoa! how He loves us,
Whoa! how He loves us,
Whoa! how He loves!

Songs to Sing

2010-12-06T16:13:00.000-06:00

Dress Us Up by John Mark McMillan
Dress us up in your righteousness
Bring us in with a ring and a kiss
When you walk into the room you know I can't resist
Every bottle of perfume always ends up on the floor in a mess

You make us sparkle and you make us shine
Like the stars who sing on your chorus line
Through space and time we'll harmonize
Where deep meets deep like the ocean meets the sky

The sun and the moon
They come out of their grave just for you
The dead man and the cynical too
They're coming out of their grave
And it's just for you

Cause the love of God is stronger
The love of God is stronger
The love of God is stronger
Than the power of death

Cause the love of God is stronger
The love of God is stronger
The love of God is stronger
Than the power of death

Dress us up in the blood of a son
Who opened up his veins so that we could overcome
Hell and the grave in the power of his love
After three dark days he showed us how it's done
And he still does

You make us sparkle and you make us shine
Like the stars who sing on your chorus line
Through space and time we'll harmonize
Where deep meets deep like the ocean meets the sky
Yeah

The sun and the moon
They come out of their grave just for you
The dead man and the cynical too
They're coming out of their grave
And it's just for you

Cause the love of God is stronger
The love of God is stronger
The love of God is stronger
Than the power of death

The love of God is stronger
The love of God is stronger
The love of God is stronger
Than the power of death

His love is stronger, stronger, his love is stronger, stronger
His love is stronger, stronger, his love is stronger, stronger

Listen to John Mark McMillan's music on MySpace, specifically his album Medicine.

Songs to Sing

2010-10-27T13:04:00.003-05:00

Background by LeCrae featuring C-Lite

CHORUS
I could play the background
I could play the background
Cause I know sometimes I get in the way
So won’t You take the lead, lead, lead?
So won’t You take the lead, lead, lead?
And I could play the background, background
And you could take the lead

It’s evident You run the show, so let me back down
You take the leading role, and I’ll play the background
I know I miss my cues, know I forget my lines
I’m sticking to Your script, and I’m reading all Your signs
I don’t need my name in lights, I don’t need a starring role
Why gain the whole wide world, If I’m just going lose my soul?
And my ways ain’t purified, don’t live according to Your Word
I can’t endure this life without Your wisdom being heard

So word to every dance, a foe, a pop star
‘Cause we all play the background, but mine’s a rockstar
Yeah, so if you need me I’ll be stage right
Praying the whole world will start embracing stage fright
So let me fall back, stop giving my suggestions
‘Cause when I follow my obsessions, I end up confessing
That I’m not that impressive, matter of fact
I’m who I are, a trail of stardust leading to the superstar

CHORUS

I had a dream that I was captain of my soul
I was master of my fate, lost control and then I sank
So I don't want to take the lead 'cause I'm prone to make mistakes
All these folks who follow me gonna end up in the wrong place
So just let me shadow You, just let me trace Your lines
Matter fact just take my pen, here - You create my rhymes
'Cause if I do this by myself I'm scared that I'll succeed
And no longer trust in You 'cause I only trust in me

And see, that's how you end up headed to destruction
Paving the road to nowhere, pour your life out for nothing
You pulled my card, I'm bluffing, You know what's in my hand
Me, I just roll and trust You, You cause the dice to land
I'm in control in nothing, follow You at any cost
Some call it sovereign will, all I know is You the boss
And man I'm so at ease, I'm so content
I play the background like it's an instrument

CHORUS

I know I'm safest when I'm in Your will and trust Your word
And I know I'm dangerous when I trust myself, my vision blurred
And I ain't got no time to play life's foolish games
Got plenty aims but do they really glorify Your name
And it's a shame the way I wanna do these things for You, yeah
Don't even cling to You, take time to sit and glean from You
And it seems that You are patient in my ignorance
If ignorance is bliss then it's 'cause she never heard of this

CHORUS 2x

Songs to Sing

2010-10-21T17:40:00.000-05:00

Pride (Won't Get Us Where We're Going)
by Thad Cockrell

See me by the river
Praying Lord restore
Cuz it's hard to let go of the things I think I need

When i lose my vision
May i use your eyes
To see just where it is I need to be

Oh pride won't get us where we're going
It's made a life of standing in the way
Of all the beauty this world has worth knowing
Oh pride won't get us where we're going
Oh pride won't get us where we're going

Truth will keep on shining
Like a morning sun
Brighter than troubled winds can blow

If you lose your vision
You can use my eyes
To see just where it is you need to go

Oh pride won't get us where we're going
It's made a life of standing in the way
Of all the beauty this world has worth knowing
Oh pride won't get us where we're going
Oh pride won't get us where we're going

And oh we're finally free
To know the gravity
Of we can overcome
We can overcome
We can overcome
We can overcome

Oh pride won't get us where we're going
It's made a life of standing in the way
Of all the beauty this world has worth knowing
Oh pride won't get us where we're going
Oh pride won't get us where we're going

*You can listen to this song on Thad Cockrell's MySpace page, as well as the rest of his wonderful music.

Loving & hating Tony Romo

2010-09-20T14:07:00.000-05:00

If you live in Dallas, and have some connection to the world outside of your home, you know that my Cowboys are not doing too well so far this season. An iffy pre-season followed by two losses at the start of the season has me pretty worried about what this season has to hold for the 'Boys. I'd like to think that I am more than a fair weather fan, but I have a sense I may prove otherwise. I have to be honest with myself sometime, right?

I've boiled the issue down to this: I boggle between loving and hating Tony Romo. I think most Dallas fans do too. I love him when he spirals that pigskin straight into the hands of Miles Austin, Jason Witten, Dez Bryant, Roy Williams, Felix Jones or my favorite - Marion Barber. Just give one of these animals the ball and they will plow through any obstacle to get to the end zone.

But, I hate Romo when he gets sacked and when he throws to his imaginary friend on the sidelines. The ball is snapped, he backs up to pass and then bam! He chokes. It kills me every time. Until recently, I didn't know you could get a penalty for throwing the ball away. Thanks Romo; you're educating me and letting me down at the same time.

Here's the thing though - I feel bad for hating Romo in those moments. Everyone fails sometime, right? He can't be perfect 100% of the time, right? But we sure expect him to be perfect. And we hate him for failing.

As much as we want to throw out the "but he's a professional", "it's his job!" or "he's paid millions to just throw a ball", we're setting an impossible standard for him when we blame the team's losses entirely on him.

(A little caveat: I will blame the loss to the Redskins *gag* mostly on him, though. We were at a first down when we had the chance to clinch the lead. He chocked - twice - before #71 committed the holding penalty. I'm not too pleased with Alex Barron for what he did but Romo threw the ball away twice before Barron messed up.)

I've decided to keep hoping in the Cowboys while I can - only 14 more games to go before the end of the season. And I think I can give Romo another shot. We're stuck with him until 2013's season is over, right?

Songs to Sing

2010-09-07T11:32:00.000-05:00

A Mighty Fortress
by Christy Nockels

Our God is a consuming fire,
A burning holy Flame, with glory and freedom
Our God is, the only righteous judge,
Ruling over us with kindness and wisdom

We will keep our eyes on You
We will keep our eyes on You

A mighty fortress is our God
A sacred refuge is Your Name
Your Kingdom is unshakable
With You forever we will reign

Our God is jealous for His own
None could comprehend, His love and His mercy
Our God is exalted on His throne
High above the heavens
Forever He's worthy

We will keep our eyes on You
We will keep our eyes on You

A mighty fortress is our God
A sacred refuge is Your Name
Your Kingdom is unshakable
With You forever we will reign

We will keep our eyes on You
We will keep our eyes on You
So we can set our hearts on You
Lord we will set our hearts on You!

A mighty fortress is our God
A sacred refuge is Your Name
Your Kingdom is unshakable
With You forever we will reign

Here's a link to the song on Amazon.com: A Mighty Fortress by Christy Nockels

Stretched Thin

2010-09-07T11:20:00.002-05:00

Yep, that's me right now - stretched thin. So, as much as I want to write all sorts of posts on here, I am going to stick to silence for now except for a few Songs To Sing posts. I'm always listening to music and often, the music that pierces me most is what I desperately need to hear at that time.

"To The God of Victory" was the last post in the Songs To Sing series. I need to believe God is victorious right now; I'm struggling with that truth.

My next STS post will be "A Mighty Fortress" by Christy Nockels. Does this woman have a direct line to knowing my fears, struggles and needs? Her lyrics kill me (in a good way). We sang this song at church on Sunday and it was a sweet reminder to my spirit; I love my church.

Much love to all of my friends & family that click when a new post comes across. I miss blogging, I just don't have the energy for it right now. There's too much to say and I would get no work done at the office if I tried to blog during lunch.

I'm being moved by Zephaniah 3:16-17 right now; I hope it speaks to you too.

“On that day it shall be said to Jerusalem:
Fear not, O Zion;
let not your hands grow weak.
17 The Lord your God is in your midst,
a mighty one who will save;
he will rejoice over you with gladness;
he will quiet you by his love;
he will exult over you with loud singing."

Much love,
Ang

Songs to Sing

2010-09-02T15:28:00.000-05:00

To the God of Victory
By Michael Bleecker & Patrick Ryan Clark

O God have mercy, reveal to me my sin,
The guilt the shame the darkness, innate within
The blood of Jesus washes and makes me clean
Condemned now I’m pardoned, once bound now I’m free, now I’m free

To the God of victory
All glory be to One Who’s conquered all
Every tongue will sing
To the Risen King oh the wonder of it all
Just to think that You love me a wretch like me
Aloud I will rejoice!

O Father of my spirit, O King of all my days
Lead me to repentance, By Your amazing grace
O may my sin be bitter, so Christ will be sweet
I trust in your promise, life eternally ... life eternally

To the God of victory
All glory be to One Who’s conquered all
Every tongue will sing
To the Risen King oh the wonder of it all
Just to think that You love me a wretch like me
Aloud I will rejoice! Aloud I will rejoice!

Sing it loud, shout it out, rejoice, rejoice
Jesus, is King, victorious
(Repeat 3x)

To the God of victory
All glory be to One Who’s conquered all
Every tongue will sing
To the Risen King oh the wonder of it all
Just to think that You love me a wretch like me
Aloud I will rejoice!
(Repeat 1x)

Aloud I will rejoice! Aloud I will rejoice!
(Repeat 1x)

Sing it loud, shout it out, rejoice, rejoice
Jesus, is King, victorious
(Repeat 1x)

*Use this link to download this song for free, sung at The Village Church.

Songs to Sing

2010-04-19T12:10:00.002-05:00

*I have to first write about how much I have been blessed by the music made by Page CXVI. I think I found out about Page CXVI through Justin Taylor just as they were allowing free downloads of 5/7ths of their EP. I traveled to their website, downloaded the five tracks and began listening to them over and over and over again. To this day, I do not know who the people are behind the music but I am so very grateful for them. Christ is using them to breathe new life into some classic hymns and as a result, my soul is restored time after time when I listen to any of their songs. My favorite is Joy (below) but Solid Rock or Nothing But The Blood are very beautiful as well. There is no other artist or EP I would recommend today beside Page CXVI's. Go to their website and order the full song list. Read about where the name "Page CXVI" came from (it's fantastic!). Follow them on Twitter. Trust me, you won't be sorry.

**This is NOT your typical "I've got the joy, joy, joy, joy down in my heart" that you sang at VBS or Sunday School. Buy it pronto and listen for yourself.

Joy by Page CXVI
Written by George Willis Cooke
I've got the joy, joy, joy, joy
Down in my heart
Down in my heart
I've got the joy, joy, joy, joy
Down in my heart
Down in my heart

And I'm so happy
So happy
So very happy
And I'm so happy
So happy
So very happy

I've got the joy, joy, joy, joy
Down in my heart
Down in my heart
I've got the joy, joy, joy, joy
Down in my heart
Down in my heart

And I'm so happy
So happy
So very happy
And I'm so happy
So happy
So very happy

And I can't understand
And I can't pretend
That this will be all right in the end
So I'll try my best
And lift up my chest
To sing about this
JOY
JOY
JOY

When peace like a river attendeth my way
When sorrows like sea billows roll
Whatever my lot, thou has taught me to say
It is well, it is well with my soul

***Update: The peeps at Page CXVI are incredibly generous. The 5-track giveaway that I mentioned above is still active on their website. Go here, enter your information and download the same tracks that I have, including Joy. Be blessed! Thanks Page CXVI!!

Songs to Sing

2010-03-31T17:07:00.002-05:00

Desert Song by Hillsong & Hillsong United
(I prefer the version by HS, sung by Brooke Fraser)
This is my prayer in the desert
When all that's within me feels dry
This is my prayer in my hunger and need
My God is the God who provides

This is my prayer in the fire
In weakness, or trial, or pain
There is a faith proved of more worth than gold
So refine me Lord through the flame

I will bring praise
I will bring praise
No weapon formed against shall remain
I will rejoice
I will declare
God is my victory and He is here

This is my prayer in the battle
When triumph is still on its way
I am a conquerer and co-heir with Christ
So firm on His promise I'll stand

I will bring praise
I will bring praise
No weapon formed against shall remain
I will rejoice
I will declare
God is my victory and He is here

All of my life in every season
You are still God
I have a reason to sing
I have a reason to worship
(Repeat 3x)

I will bring praise
I will bring praise
No weapon formed against shall remain
I will rejoice
I will declare
God is my victory and He is here
(Repeat 1x)

This is my prayer in the harvest
When favor and providence flow
I know I'm filled to be emptied again
The seed I've received I must sow

An attempt at posting routinely again

2010-03-30T17:59:00.001-05:00

So much has happened since I blogged for real that I'm now overwhelmed with how much I would have to say to get up-to-date. Instead, I'm just going to post some more bullets (you Type A's are already salivating) and hope that it'll catch us up in the meantime, Blogworld.

(And, in case you are pounding your desk, demanding the series on organic and natural foods that I promised two months ago, well....you're just going to have to wait!)

Did I tell y'all that one of my sisters, Jessica, is living with me? Since last Thanksgiving. Oh my, what an adventure! Iron sharpening iron is no joke, y'all! It's been awesome (and no, I'm not being sarcastic). Follow her on Twitter, she's a hoot.
My 3-year anniversary at my company, e-Rewards, is coming up! Yippee! April 16th (and NOT April 24th as the HR department will have you believe) marks three years...I can't believe how fast it's gone by.
I started and quit a Biblical Counseling class at my church. It was slated for 26 weeks and and I quit around week 10 - bullet #1 was a bit unexpected so my schedule is all wacky with being Jess's unofficial chaffeur. I don't mind though! There's a season for everything.
The Dallas Northway campus of The Village Church launched in September 2009 and I switched to it from the Highland Village campus at the same time. TVC is growing faster than we can add buildings and services, y'all! It's crazy! Like Matt says, "We love being ghetto." Bring on the cramped spaces and parking hassles if it means more of the Lord for his children!
My cousin, Amy, got engaged just before Christmas and she asked me to be a bridesmaid. I am STOKED! Mostly because I've been praying for her a husband since we got close back in late 2007 (prayers answered are awesome!), but secretly, I'm also excited because I get to wear a green dress (click on 'Pistachio'). This girl could not be happier!
Beth Moore's Believing God study is kicking my butt and I'm only in week one. Pray for me!
I get to serve some ladies in just three weeks at a Christian retreat called North Texas Tres Dias. I'm thrilled at the opportunity to be the hands and feet of Jesus, even if in just a small way for three days.
Beautiful flowers currently bedeck my patio at home - I planted some bright red geraniums, white bacopa (amazing trailing flower, by the way), yellow Gerbera daisies, violet pansies, dusty miller plants and some cute purple alyssum. Jess got a boston fern at Kroger for $10 and our patio jungle is now complete. My grandma's miniature pink rose bush is coming along beautifully too.
I signed up for eHarmony (ssshhhhh! Don't tell anyone!) and am sorely disappointed thus far. Whether that's the result of a pride issue or just the circumstances, I have yet to determine. Maybe it's both. Maybe it's just my disproportionate expectations. Who knows (yet)! After watching Becoming Jane on Saturday and crying my eyes out, I'm convinced I'll be single for life like Jane Austen, determined to "live by the pen" (or in my case, the computer keyboard).
I've felt rather melodramatic lately. Is it obvious? If not, please read previous bullet.
I'm ready for the summer season to come but I'm enjoying the 70-degree weather just fine too.
Houston, instead of Hot Springs, may be our girls' trip destination this summer. I'm rather excited and am on the hunt for fun things to do! Give me a shout in the comments if you have any tips.
The BFFie and I are going to the theater to see Remember Me tomorrow night. I swore I would not see this movie after seeing the trailer because it looks like just another romance and I don't think I can take it after Saturday's debacle with Becoming Jane. But - I've heard the film's not what it seems, so I'm taking a risk. If the people who convinced me to see this film are wrong, there will be payback from me in the form of salty wet tissues afterwards. I know it's gross; and they'll deserve it.

I think that's enough for now; I stayed at the office later than I needed to just to make sure I got this out for you, Blogworld. See? I'm trying to make a comeback!

Peace & peas,
Ang

You Likey the New Blog Look?

2010-03-26T12:01:00.002-05:00

Blogger just bumped up their awesome factor in my opinion!

For those of us who are not HTML or graphic design friendly, it is ROUGH trying to figure out how to make your blog "your own". It took me hours to figure out how to create a banner for my last blog look - and even then, I ripped it off from someone else (no worries - I gave 'em credit!) and fiddled with it in sad-o Microsoft Photo Editor.

Anywho, I hope you like the new look. This Blogger Template Designer is still in development but if you're on blogger, like me, and you need help desperately, go check out this list of tips and have at it! This lovely work you see today only took me an hour.

Next up on my list of Learn-How-To-Do's: linking to Amazon on here and earning some cash-o-lah!

Peace & fleece,
Ang

MIA

2010-03-11T15:10:00.000-06:00

That's me.

Sorry, Blogworld.

Busy, busy times for Miss Angela. I seriously hope to get started on the organic/natural food series soon; I'll probably wait until I get my first harvest from the farm that we (friends, sister & me) invested in. Two weeks! Hold me accountable!

Until then, keep truckin'! (I've wanted to say that for some reason, so there you go!)

Pain

2010-02-19T17:48:00.003-06:00

UPDATE: I found a post from Justin Taylor that I think fits in so perfectly with my random stream of thoughts in this post. Check it out here.

So many people are in pain right now - be it physical, mental, emotional. Friends, parents, co-workers, relatives.

The desperation can sink in ever so slowly. Sometimes, though, it comes quickly like a torrent of early spring rain. It's different for each person.

Even this week I've seen it play it differently for both those I hold near and love dearly, and those I know from a distance (and love dearly as well).

Mostly we are taught to fear pain, to avoid it at all cost. The advice is: stay away from those whose mouthy barbs hurt; don't allow anyone close enough to know your deepest, darkest secrets; avoid the homeless or hitch-hikers because they just want to scam you or hurt you. (These are only what comes to mind now, at 5pm on a Friday; please excuse the randomness).

What happens when we turn this notion on its head and embrace pain instead?

Think about it. Imagine what it truly means to not despair because of cancer; or financial loss; or harsh criticism; or an imperfect body; or the countless other pains today. Try to feel the weight of your emotions and thoughts when pain strikes.

We say, "Oh, I know that I would not despair. The Lord is my hope/I am too strong for it/I don't think that situation warrants it." Or, in all honesty, we run away afraid, hurt, betrayed, angry, thinking we are full of much more wisdom than the One who orchestrates the situation that causes pain. "I deserve to despair; just give that much to me." is the anthem when the despair is all one feels in control of.

Do you believe He is in control?

Do you believe He is good?

Do you believe that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate [you] from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord?

No?

Repent. Now.

Turn to the One who holds all of creation in His hands, who catches all your desperate tears. He hears your cries of prayers, even when they sound more like groanings than words. He understands your anger, because He too watched as injustices took place against both others and Himself. He felt pain as you have, tasting betrayal stronger than most today will ever experience. He begged that the cup of suffering pass Him in His darkest hour. His body was pierced, torn, beaten, broken with pain so intense that He poured blood.

Turn to He who says, "Come all you who are weary, and I will give you rest."

The victim mentality ("why me?") will only lead you further into despair. Don't allow your heart and mind and soul to go there.

For a little over two years now, I've followed the story of a woman who lost her full-term baby days before her due date. A part of my heart hurts thinking about what it means to lose a child. I cannot and will not pretend to understand that loss, however.

She now writes about grief and the process on her blog. Here's an excerpt of her talking about the grief:

I feel like I’ve fought it tooth and nail. But now I’m coming to more of a peace with it. I’m accepting it more. One of my dear friends through this process (who is older and wiser than me, thank God) shared with me recently about a grief she’d been facing in her life. Something she said really stood out to me. She told me, “I’m gonna drink this painful cup all the way down, just drain it. And I’m gonna ask the Lord to make it something beautiful.”

It's confusing to think of grief and pain this way. It doesn't come naturally but rather is a grace given by God. My hope is that you will drink your painful cup and ask the Lord to make it something beautiful.

You can't avoid pain. But you can choose to use it to make much of the Lord and to inspire others to do the same.

Lord, make it something beautiful.

Food post coming soon!

2010-01-22T17:02:00.001-06:00

I don't want to say too much now or I won't have anything left to say when I actually sit down to gather my thoughts (Did that make sense? Probably not...it's 5pm on Friday and my brain is fried).

Since April-ish (maybe May), I've spent a lot of energy, time, money, etc on learning about our American food industry: it's pros, it's cons, the nation's health concerns, what our options are, on and on. I don't profess to be an expert by any means but at the same time, I've taken a lot of knowledge from three movies you may have heard of: Food, Inc., King Corn and The Future of Food. (If you follow me on Twitter, no doubt you've heard one or all of these names before).

Anywho, Carolyn McCulley is in the midst of a series on her blog, Radical Womanhood, regarding the same issues and now I'm inspired to share what I know as well! No worries, though: I'll try not to duplicate her work but rather point to local (North Texas) resources and my own experience thus far.

I hope you'll swing by here when I get started; I'm trying to get started very soon!

For now, check out these clips or watch the full length version of The Future of Food on Hulu.

Peace & no chicken grease,
Ang

*Edit: sorry! I'm a doofus and jumped ahead too quickly! Links and clips have been added :-)

Another test blog

2010-01-21T18:23:00.002-06:00

I think I've got HootSuite figured out now...wish me luck!

Songs to Sing

2010-01-06T12:39:00.000-06:00

You Are Able by Christy Nockels
Jehovah, provider
The joy of man’s desire it’s You...always You
Keeper of history, glorious Mystery
It’s You...always You.

Fulfillment of every longing of man
It’s You - our God it’s You!

You are Able, higher is our God
Than anything that comes our way
Come what may
You alone forever stay,
You’re able, higher is our God
Than anything that comes our way
Come what may
You alone forever stay....
You are Able, You are Able

Abba our Father
We run to our Protector
You...always You
Healer of all things
We trust no other Name but You
Always You...

Fulfillment of every longing of man
It’s You - our God it’s You!

You are Able, higher is our God
Than anything that comes our way
Come what may
You alone forever stay,
You’re able, higher is our God
Than anything that comes our way
Come what may
You alone forever stay....
You are Able, You are Able

Keeper of History, glorious Mystery
We trust no other name
Our hope is in You
Our hope is in You

You are Able, higher is our God
Than anything that comes our way
Come what may
You alone forever stay,
You’re able, higher is our God
Than anything that comes our way
Come what may
You alone forever stay....
You are Able, You are Able
You are Able, You are Able

Asking Him to be Yahweh Rophe - the God Who Heals

2010-01-06T12:02:00.000-06:00

I've been working up the courage to write this post for over a month now; it's been very difficult to piece together. I don't completely understand why though I know myself enough to tell you that I've been in hiding. When circumstances become difficult to manage or understand, I want to withdraw from the outside world. I want to curl up on my couch, read a book or watch a movie, talk very little on the phone and just be alone. It stings a bit to be honest like this because I don't like this about myself. I want to be strong (in Him)! I want to persevere valiantly (through Him)! I want to stand up to the fears, hurts, sadness that taunt me and laugh at it because I know He is much bigger than any of it. The knowledge is there (He is good and will take care of us) but physically and emotionally I am tempted to just shut off, disengage.

I disengaged and hid a lot when I was a child and teenager. My circumstances, my family's circumstances were sometimes too overwhelming for my little mind and spirit to handle. So, I'd determine what needed to be done in the moment, do it, and try not to feel the dread or fear or anger or sadness that rose up inside. It is truly a defense mechanism, learned when I was very young (probably around 3 or 4) and perfected by my late teens. I see it clearly in my little sister as well. She said something very poignant one night after dinner recently. My tears were streaming at the moment and I could tell she was much more than an observer this time; she was feeling some pain too. She tried so hard to blink away the stinging eyes and avoid crying altogether. I told her that there is nothing wrong with tears; they're not a sign of weakness as the world sees them, but rather they're a sign that you can feel and feel deeply. That is nothing to be ashamed of but rather something to embrace. Her response was something along the lines of shame - it's so hard to not believe crying is weak and if you cry, you're not in control.

Where did we learn this? Why is this our response? It's difficult to understand. I have cried more tears in these last eight years than I probably did in the 17 years before that and I have no shame to say so. "Something changed inside me broke wide open all spilled out, till I had no doubt that something changed", says Sara Groves. "Something so amazing in a heart so dark and dim, when a wall falls down and the light comes in." The Light came into this little girl's hardened heart and one of the results is tears.

Many tears have been shed in the last several months. Last September a little boy in my church finally succumbed to a long battle with cancer; his little body couldn't take it anymore. I had never met him but it felt like losing a family member because we had prayed for his healing for nearly two years. At the same time, many of us in the Church remembered the loss of a sweet baby girl, born into the arms of Jesus just two years earlier. Her family is still here in this world, longing for the time they'll see her again. The holidays approached quickly and many began to think of loved ones who had already passed away. November and December had many dark days for me as I thought about my Grandma not being in her big reclining chair on Christmas Eve. My church was shaken, but not toppled, when we heard our lead pastor suffered a seizure Thanksgiving morning in what has eventually lead to the the discovery of a brain tumor and brain cancer. We continue to pray for his complete healing amidst chemo and radiation that began just a week ago.

I'm not entirely sure how to wrap all of this up in a deep, meaningful way other than to point to the Lord. I'm asking Him to be Yahweh Rophe - the God who heals. My tears do not pour out because God has let me down. May it never be! The tears flow because I know He catches each one of them and He hears my cries, my deepest groanings when I cannot contain those emotions. There is a lot of deep hurt in this world, in this city, in each of us that we cannot fix ourselves. You know what I mean when I say that pain is unavoidable. Stop numbing your mind/body/heart to the hurts and wounds you feel; don't run away from them either. Instead, turn to Yahweh Rophe - the only One who can heal and in the process, give you true joy.

Movies I Want to See - Fall/Winter 2009 edition

2009-11-18T15:36:00.001-06:00

I wanted to make it official - like I do this every season or something - by naming this the Fall/Winter 2009 edition of "Movies I Want to See". Hmmm....maybe I've just created a new category for my blog!

Returning to the purpose of the post, I have to say it: there are a lot of movies already released, or soon to be released, that I want to see in the theaters. Now, the question is: will I actually see all of these movies in the theater? Um, no. The thought of paying $9-10 a pop makes me cringe inwardly and outwardly. However, I do want to share with you a list of movies that I'm anticipating seeing and as I said before, some are already released. If you've seen the released ones, let me know what you thought! If you're looking forward to some of the unreleased films, let me know if you're going to dump a load of cash into Cinemark's pocket to go see it; maybe I will too!

The Twilight Saga: New Moon
Top of the list, no arguing with this. Call me a nerd, call me immature, I don't care what you call me, just get to the theater to see this movie. I can guarantee you won't be disappointed.

Whip It
Drew Barrymore + Ellen Page + Kristen Wiig + Juliette Lewis + Jimmy Fallon = ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! I have to see this; pronto!

Brothers
I adore Natalie Portman and both hunky Jake Gyllenhall and Tobey Maguire are excellent actors.

Date Night
How could anyone resist Steve Carrell and Tina Fey in a movie together? It'll probably be cheesy but I don't care - I'll watch anything these two are in.

Grown Ups
Again, funny people all in one movie - I can't resist. However, the inclusion of Rob Schneider might be enough to keep me from watching this one. Yuck.

Gentlemen Broncos
The fact that Napoleon Dynamite is on my list of must-see movies automatically means that I want to see this one. Will be it be stupid? Yes. Will I regret paying $10 to see it? Possibly. Will I laugh horribly loud and maybe even snort? Absolutely.

The Fantastic Mr. Fox
This sounds great; lots of well-known actors lend their voices and it's getting a lot of great reviews.

*EDIT: I left off a few that I meant to include...sorry!

The Last Song
Please don't laugh that I want to see a movie with Miley Cyrus. Though I do wonder if she knows what to do with her mouth when she's not laughing or talking, I can appreciate her effort to dig in deeper with her acting roles. Plus, I like the story line of this.

Despicable Me
I like to enjoy a decent animated file every once in awhile.

Sherlock Holmes
Um....Jude Law, Robert Downey Jr., Rachel McAdams...yes please.

Avatar
I'm not really a sci-fi fan but I'll make an exception for this one, especially since it's directed by James Cameron.

The Road
I really really really thought the book was excellently written. I would read it again. I hope my expectations are not too high for this film but I do not fear that I'll be disappointed with Viggo Mortenson and Charlize Theron in the cast.

Shutter Island
Martin Scorsese; enough said.

9
I really like the trailer; sometimes that's just enough to convince me I should see it.

I think that's enough for now. Hopefully these won't weigh down my loading time too much; I'm sorry if it does!

Convicted by the Care Bears

2009-11-09T15:48:00.002-06:00

The weirdest thing just happened: I was convicted while watching a Care Bear clip featuring Dark Heart (a Care Bear villain in the famous 80's cartoon).

Before you jump to conclusions, I don't typically watch Care Bears on YouTube. I was actually reading a new blog post from The Resurgence about "following your heart" and the blogger embedded the Care Bear clip in the post. Check the post out here when you get a chance. It's a great read about the very common and - in my opinion - overused phrase, "follow your heart".

Here's the clip:

This is Dark Heart's line that got me, just as he was morphing into a huge scary cloud:

"Nooooooooooo! Get away from me!! Keep your kindness and affection to yourself!!"

Ummmmm, so....yeah. That's in me. For a long time. Slightly hidden - for the most part - underneath congenial friendships and pursuits of deeper relationships.

As the words reverberate in my ears, and the sound of the voice in the video morphs into my own in my mind, I see more clearly all of a sudden. These words appear in my heart and head when relationships get deeper; you know, when the inevitable "history of my life" (i.e. testimony) comes up over coffee or dinner. Or, when you become more intentional with your time with friends and you know you have to open up about the junk [you were/currently are] sitting in.

There's this catching feeling, this anxiety, this instinctual response to push people away that rises in me when intimacy begins to root in any kind of relationship. It's especially strong when those people are freely gracious, kind, generous and loving. I don't think I've been completely oblivious to this in me - I actually have fought quite hard against it in commitment to my home group through the years - but I am still surprised that it's still there in such severity. And more so, I'm surprised how quick I was to recognize that silly little cartoon villain as myself.

Wow. Who'd a thunk it? Empathizing with Dark Heart from Care Bears.

What I like about the little clip, though, is that Dark Heart didn't get to stay...well, dark. He was forced to confront the light. Say what you will about the Care Bears (I'll admit it's a bit cheesy, even for young kids), the allegory is great in this clip. (It's not perfect though - Jesus is definitely not a Care Bear.)

In the same way, I do not get to remain as my own version of Dark Heart. There is always something - really Someone - who forces Light into the dark.

"For it is you who light my lamp; the Lord my God lightens my darkness." Psalm 18:28

"If I say, 'Surely the darkness shall cover me, and the light about me be night,' even the darkness is not dark to you; the night is bright as the day, for darkness is as light with you." Psalm 139:11,12

"In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. He was in the beginning with God. All things were made through him, and without him was not any thing made that was made. In him was life, and the life was the light of men. The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it." John 1:1-5

"Again Jesus spoke to them, saying, 'I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will not walk in darkness, but will have the light of life.'" John 8:12

"I have come into the world as light, so that whoever believes in me may not remain in darkness." John 12:46

"Besides this you know the time, that the hour has come for you to wake from sleep. For salvation is nearer to us now than when we first believed. The night is far gone; the day is at hand. So then let us cast off the works of darkness and put on the armor of light. Let us walk properly as in the daytime, not in orgies and drunkenness, not in sexual immorality and sensuality, not in quarreling and jealousy. But put on the Lord Jesus Christ, and make no provision for the flesh, to gratify its desires." Romans 13:11-14

I could insert many, many, many more references to day/light versus night/darkness from the Scriptures but I'm sure you get the point; or maybe like me, you're a bit thick-skulled and have to hear these truths over and over again. Either way, the truth is clear - Christ is the light in my Dark Heart. Though I may perceive that the darkness will overcome me, that the Dark Heart in Angela will dominate, the truth is that I no longer walk in darkness but rather in His light.

When the anxiety, the catching feeling, the instinctual response to push away attempts to thwart intimacy in my relationships with others - or even my relationship with Him - I have faith that the dark heart no longer reigns. There is nothing to fear in relationships when He is the Light of my life. There is no reason to run back into the shadows with shame and guilt over the past. I do not have to waste one moment on worrying about whether or not I am good enough or pretty enough or smart enough or funny enough. This desire to push/run away out of fear of rejection or fear of being hurt after opening up - it disappears in the light. My focus is not on myself but is instead on the blinding and glorious Light of the World.

Instead of bellowing "Get away from me! Keep your kindness and affection to yourself!!", I can accept the love and affection of my friends and family with open arms. In the process, it makes me that much more able to give my love and affection to them - and others - in return.

Good ole' Spurgeon

2009-11-04T11:23:00.000-06:00

I think I've talked about my favorite devotional here before; it's called Morning and Evening by Charles Haddon Spurgeon. I've read through it completely once and am working on my second time through it now; the passages are never old or redundant. Because Spurgeon was a 19th century preacher from London, his speeches/writings are not always the easiest to understand. Therefore, the version I have of the devotional uses updated language, revised by Alistair Begg (also from London, now based in Cleveland; a good modern-day preacher, as far as I know and have heard personally).

Anyhow, when I picked up the book this morning, I thought about how I would like to just re-read the morning passage from yesterday; it's my favorite in the entire book. (Crazy as it seems to me, I haven't posted on that passage specifically but have typed up others here and here.) I relented and moved forward, though, knowing that God has blessed this minuscule obedience many times by providing just the right word for me at just the right moment.

Today's passage was just what I had to hear today, especially after some stressful times yesterday and the great teaching I received last night in class. I thought I'd type it out for you today; put it out there and share it in case it brings some things to the surface for you or just reminds you of where true strength comes from. Enjoy!

Morning passage from November 4th

"For my power is made perfect in weakness." 2 Corinthians 12:9

A primary qualification for serving God with any amount of success, and for doing God's work well and triumphantly, is a sense of our own weakness. When God's warrior marches out to battle, strong in his own might, when he boasts, "I know that I will overcome - my own ability and my self-confidence will be enough for victory," defeat is staring him in the face. God will not enable the man who marches in his own strength. He who reckons on victory by such means has reckoned wrongly, for "not by might, nor by power, but by my Spirit, says the Lord of hosts." (Zechariah 4:6) Those who go out to fight, boasting of their ability, will return with their banners trailing in the dust and their armor stained with disgrace. Those who serve God must serve Him in His own way and in His strength, or He will never accept their service. Whatever a man does, unaided by divine strength, God can never own. The mere fruits of the earth He casts away; He will only reap corn the seed of which was sown from heaven, watered by grace, and ripened by the sun of divine love. God will empty out all that you have before He will put His own into you; He will first clean out your granaries before He will fill them with the finest of wheat. The river of God is full of water; but not one drop of it flows from earthly springs. God will have no strength used in His battles but the strength that He Himself imparts. Are you mourning over your own weakness? Take courage, for there must be a consciousness of weakness before the Lord will give you victory. Your emptiness is but the preparation for your being filled, and you are being humbled to prepare you for being lifted up.

When I am weak then am I strong, grace is my shield and Christ my song.

Songs to Sing

2009-10-28T13:08:00.003-05:00

What Matters More by Derek Webb
You say always treat people like you'd like to be
I guess you love being hated for your sexuality
You love when people put words in your mouth
About what you believe
Make you sound like a freak

'Cause if you really believed
What you say you believe
You wouldn't be so damned reckless
With the words you speak
You wouldn't silently consent
When the liars speak
Denying all the dying of the remedy

Tell me, brother what matters more to you
Tell me, sister what matters more to you

If I can see what's in your heart
By what comes out of your mouth
Then it sure looks to me like being straight
Is all it's about
It looks like being hated
For all the wrong things
Like chasing the wind
While the pendulum swings

'Cause we can talk and debate
Till we're blue in the face
About the language and tradition
That He's coming to save
And meanwhile we sit
Just like we don't give a shit 'bout
Fifty thousand people who are dying today

Tell me, brother what matters more to you
Tell me, sister what matters more to you

You Do Not Understand Now

2009-10-07T12:25:00.000-05:00

It's a cool dreary day here in Dallas. I am extremely grateful for it. Though I'm a summer baby through and through, I also eagerly await late September through late November every year; there is something very refreshing about the hot muggy summer days being blown away by the cool dry winds of autumn.

That doesn't have much to do with my post today but I'm giving thanks for it this morning.

It was about three years ago that Lois, my counselor at the time, used a story of the apostle Peter to gently show me the harsh judgmental ways of my heart. I was describing a recent confrontation I'd had with a very dear friend who bluntly told me, "You're harsh." At the time, I was easily frustrated with other people, even my closest friends - either they did/said/believed things that I didn't agree with so I'd let them know (not in the kindest way, mind you), or they fell short of my expectations of who they should be so I'd bite at them or be extraordinarily rude. Deep down I knew this behavior was wrong - the Holy Spirit was showing me so - but I didn't understand why and when apathy set in, I didn't even try to understand what was happening. I thought that I had this weird way of seeing everyone else's junk way better than my own for a special reason, like I was supposed to declare some warning to everyone I know (believe me - pride will convince you of the stupidest things).

As I talked and vented about my frustrations, Lois listened and pulled out her Bible. She asked me to do the same and turn to John 21. I thought she was going to point to Peter's denial of Christ after the rooster crowing. Instead, she told me how she thought some people overlooked Peter's journey of faith and how her study of him throughout the Bible meant so much to her daily walk. This is the passage where Peter professes his love for Jesus three times. She asked me to read verses 15-17 out loud.

Verse 15: When they had finished breakfast, Jesus said to Simon Peter, “Simon, son of John, do you love me more than these?” He said to him, “Yes, Lord; you know that I love you.” He said to him, “Feed my lambs.”

Verse 16: He said to him a second time, “Simon, son of John, do you love me?” He said to him, “Yes, Lord; you know that I love you.” He said to him, “Tend my sheep.”

Verse 17: He said to him the third time, “Simon, son of John, do you love me?” Peter was grieved because he said to him the third time, “Do you love me?” and he said to him, “Lord, you know everything; you know that I love you.” Jesus said to him, “Feed my sheep.”

When I was finished, she asked if I loved Jesus. My immediate response was yes, of course. If you're familiar with this passage in John 21, you know what happens next. I am almost sure that I'd read this passage but as I sat there with Lois, my pride kept my vision so hazy; I didn't know what Lois was getting at. I thought to myself, "What does this have to do with being judgmental or recognizing sin?" She asked me to continue reading at verse 20.

Verses 20-22: Peter turned and saw the disciple whom Jesus loved following them, the one who had been reclining at table close to him and had said, “Lord, who is it that is going to betray you?” When Peter saw him, he said to Jesus, “Lord, what about this man?” Jesus said to him, “If it is my will that he remain until I come, what is that to you? You follow me!”

I couldn't say those last three words out loud; my throat was tight and the tears flowed. Though I loved the Lord, I spent all my energy looking at everyone else. To borrow a metaphor from my pastor, it's as if I stood next to the cross, with my back to it, pointing at everyone else and demanding that they humble themselves. It was a major revelation to me - to begin to see myself more realistically before the cross was a new experience. And, as if the moment couldn't be any more revelatory, Lois sat and cried with me. She got that this was a big mind/heart-shifting thing for me. She showed extreme compassion and grace to me in that moment.

Please don't hear me say that I'm not judgmental and I'm cured! I still battle the green monster in me and my pride overwhelms me sometimes. I'm still a little rough around the edges. I get very passionate when someone dismisses issues that they don't understand with a "I don't struggle with that" statement, meaning they don't make an effort to avoid temptation in that realm (which, by the way, is the biggest load of horsecrap that I've ever heard! It's exactly what evil wants you to believe!). I genuinely do not want others to fall into traps that I've fallen into myself. I don't want to be harsh but I also do not want to willingly stand by as people walk into the furnace. In fact, one of the reasons I asked to be a part of my church's Lay Counseling class is so that I can learn to speak the truth in love.

Anyhow, I think I got off on a tangent.

I am often reminded of that session with Lois and the words "You follow me!" whenever I read or hear anything about the apostle Peter, like this post by Jon Bloom at Desiring God. Peter really did love the Lord but he had a very tough time letting go of the Pharisaic and cultural routines/beliefs. He also had a lot of pride, something I think I've proved I can resonate with. Peter missed the mark - a lot - when trying to figure out what Jesus was doing in His ministry. Jon uses the first part of John 13 to show Peter's confusion and near-unwillingness to be a part of Jesus's radical new covenant. I can't choose one good quote in the article, I like the entire thing, so go check it out for yourself.

I don't have this thing figured out. I do get overwhelmed occasionally; sometimes it seems like I've taken one step forward only to take two steps back. I do not understand now what the Lord is accomplishing in me, in my friends, in my family, in this city, in this world. However, grace and comfort sweeps in with that bold statement, "You follow me!" I don't have to figure the purpose out. I trust in His ways. I know He is victorious in the end. I know He is good.

If you take anything from this too-long post, take these three words: God is good. A countless number of my nights have been illuminated with those three words. Though you may wrestle to understand what they mean to you, He is faithful and will not fail to be good even if/when you don't fully grasp this truth.

If the world were a village of 100

2009-10-01T11:58:00.003-05:00

I stumbled upon some really interesting and cool designs regarding world population statistics. I'd be interested to know where the stats come from; in any case, though, the designs are striking. I find them even more intriguing as someone who is visually-oriented; I comprehend facts much more quickly when they're presented in a chart or graph or one of these awesome pictures.

Check them all out using this link. Enjoy!

(HT: Life2gether Blog)

Songs to Sing

2009-09-24T13:26:00.005-05:00

In the Shadow of the Glorious Cross
by Brooks Ritter & Rebecca Bales

In the shadow of the glorious cross
Compelled by grace to cast my lot
I'll discard the loss and bear Your name
Forsaking all for Your own fame

Your hymn of grace sung over me
Abounding forth in glorious streams
My thirst is quenched by You my Lord
Sustained am I redeemed restored
Sustained am I redeemed restored

Hallelujah! Hallelujah!

When death's dark shadow's at my feet
When I am plagued by unbelief
You place my hands into Your side
By precious blood identified
By precious blood identified

Hallelujah! Hallelujah!

These crowns I've clenched with fisted hands
I cast them down before the throne
Of Christ my God the Worthy Lamb
Christ crucified the great I AM
Christ crucified the great I AM
Christ crucified the great I AM

Hallelujah! Hallelujah! (4x)

*Use this link to download this song for free, sung by Sojourn Music.

Not a new favorite, but close

2009-09-24T11:31:00.002-05:00

If you own a television, you know that the Fall line-up is probably the best it's been in a few years. Several new shows might give some of the oldies a run for their money (hear that, CSI Miami?! You're done!).

Of all the shows premiering over the last couple of weeks - and with the exception of my favorite Monday night CBS line-up - I made a marked effort to catch the pilot and proceeding episodes of Glee. If you haven't heard of Glee, here is FOX's blurb about the new hit:

From Ryan Murphy, the creator of "Nip/Tuck," comes GLEE, a new comedy for the aspiring underdog in all of us.

The series follows an optimistic teacher, WILL SCHUESTER (Matthew Morrison), who - against all odds and a malicious cheerleading coach - attempts to save McKinley High's Glee Club from obscurity, while helping a group of aspiring underdogs realize their true star potential. It's a tall order when the brightest stars of the group include KURT (Chris Colfer), a soprano who hits a high note in fashion; MERCEDES (Amber Riley), a larger-than-life diva with a voice to match; ARTIE (Kevin McHale), a geeky guitarist who rocks and rolls; and TINA (Jenna Ushkowitz), a punk rocker who hides behind her stutter and blue hair extensions.

Will's only hope lies with two true talents: RACHEL BERRY (Lea Michele), a self-proclaimed star who is convinced that MySpace and show choir and are her tickets to fame; and FINN HUDSON (Cory Monteith), the popular high school quarterback with movie star looks who must protect his reputation from his holier-than-thou girlfriend and "Cheerios" head cheerleader, QUINN (Dianna Agron), and his arrogant football teammate, PUCK (Mark Salling).

Will is determined to do whatever it takes to make Glee great again, but his only ally is fellow teacher and germaphobe EMMA PILLSBURY (Jayma Mays). Everyone else around him thinks he's nuts - from his tough-as-nails wife TERRI SCHUESTER (Jessalyn Gilsig) to McKinley's scheming cheerleading coach SUE SYLVESTER (Jane Lynch) - but he's out to prove them wrong.

Featuring a soundtrack of hit songs from past and present, GLEE is produced by Ryan Murphy Television in association with 20th Century Fox Television. Ryan Murphy, Brad Falchuk and Ian Brennan are co-creators of the series. Murphy, Falchuk and Dante Di Loreto serve as executive producers, while Ian Brennan serves as co-executive producer. Murphy directed the pilot.

From the blurb alone, I would dismiss this as some pep squad tv-version of Bring It On. Also, this show seemed to present a long list of "no way joses" for me: I refuse to watch anything related to Nip/Tuck; FOX is notoriously raunchy (seems like an oxymoron given their "conservative" news program); historically I haven't liked movies/tv shows with over-the-top representations of cliche characters (the gay kid, the reject artsy girl, the jock and cheerleader couple, the loud black girl, etc); the guy who plays the jock looks a lot like Chris Klein (yuck!), ad nauseam.

However, thanks to FOX's smart and catchy plugs for the show at the onset of summer, I became more and more interested. I finally sat down last weekend and watched all the current episodes on Hulu. I'll be honest - this show is not even morally neutral; it's moral-meter leans way more towards Bad than Good. I have to give credit, though, to the musical talent and choreography of the cast and creators. They picked a great cast of people - very talented - and the show features current pop songs musical-style. It makes for great entertainment when viewed outside of the usual FOX raunchiness.

I want to watch the show because of these scenes which says a lot because I am NOT a musical fan. Ask my bestie Karen; she is a HUGE musical fan. Out of all the time I've known her, I've been to two musicals with her - Radio City Rockettes (it was free) and The Lion King (my favorite cartoon movie). However, I might have to pass and only watch clips of the musical scenes on Hulu because of the great bent towards sexual themes.

Now that I've finished my official review of Glee, let me present you with a great clip I found (via People.com) of a recent episode. You pick up in the last few minutes of a football game where the team is in a pinch and needs some extra help. I hope you enjoy it! Afterwards, you might be tempted to join me in my Hulu clip excursions for gems like these.

Songs to Sing

2009-09-16T12:11:00.002-05:00

Lead Us Back by Bobby Gilles & Brooks Ritter
Falling down upon our knees,
Sharing now in common shame,
We have sought security,
Not the cross that bears Your name.
Fences guard our hearts and homes --
Comfort sings a siren tune.
We're a valley of dry bones;
Lead us back to life in You.

Lord we fall upon our knees,
We have shunned the weak and poor,
Worshipped beauty, courted kings
And the things their gold affords,
Prayed for those we'd like to know --
Favor sings a siren tune.
We've become a talent show;
Lead us back to life in You.

You have caused the blind to see,
We have blinded him again
With our man-made laws and creeds,
Eager, ready to condemn.
Now we plead before Your throne --
Power sings a siren tune.
We've been throwing heavy stones;
Lead us back to life in You.

We're a valley of dry bones
Lead us back to life in You.
We've become a talent show
Lead us back to life in You.
We've been throwing heavy stones
Lead us back to life in You

*Use this link to download this song for free, sung by Sojourn Music.

A procrastinated project FINISHED!

2009-09-05T13:33:00.002-05:00

Hello, my name is Angela.

Welcome Angela!

I am here tonight because...

[crickets chirping]

...I am a home-project procrastinator.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

If you've known me for any length of time, or visited my humble abod, you know without any confession from these lips that I am a home-project procrastinator. I can place blame but I am fully to blame. It isn't the fault of my packrat father who piles all of his work tools, materials, projects on top of an antique pool table in the entry room of my parents' house. I also can't blame my paper-archiving mother who doesn't think you should ever throw out a bill or invoice; she apparently doesn't think you need to open them either. (Plus side: if I ever need to find a bank statement from my teenage days, my mother's gift will come in quite handy.) I also can't point the finger at my six years spent as a North Texas nomad. Between three dorm rooms, two apartments and a few trips back to my parents' house for summers, my life stayed in a mix-match of hastily collected cardboard boxes for a long time.

Nope. I have to take this burden. It is mine. (Did I mention I'm feeling melodramatic today?)

To get to the point of why I'm posting at all on a Saturday, my sabbath, I'll just say this: a bookcase in my sweet little bay window/dining room/office/sun room/storage area has been a long time coming.

I found a simple, inexpensive bookcase at Target in a color called espresso. I've fought tooth and nail in every store I've scoured to find a bookcase that is oak colored, not too cheap and flimsy, and a reasonable price. I don't know what came over me last Saturday but I up and bought this one for $25. It was priced $32 (in-store and online) but it magically rang up for $25 at the register (thanks Lord!). I spent about two hours putting it together Monday night and finally got around to pulling out all of my boxes of books Thursday night.

I set out to finish my project when I failed to roll over and go back to sleep at 10am this morning (Hey! Don't judge me! I haven't slept in for ages. Or maybe just two weeks. Who are you? The sleep police?!)

Here are some pictures of my achievement. Before and after books. And because I'm trying to recover from being a home-project procrastinator, I think confession and transparency are crucial. I included a picture of the bookcase's cardboard box, still sitting in my living room floor. From Monday. Don't judge me. ;-)

Before: (sorry for the blurriness)

After:

So sad....

Songs To Sing

2009-09-04T12:17:00.001-05:00

Faithful by Mike Cosper
In the desert
In the dry and worn-out land.
Is where my soul seems to be.

My body weak
With the weight of my own sin.
Sick with guilt once again.

Won't You rescue me?
Won't You hear my call?
God of grace renew me.
With Your unfailing love.

You are faithful,
You are faithful to your children.
When they call upon Your name.
You heal their sickness.
You redeem their souls from hell.
When they call upon Your name.

In the desert.
In the dry and worn-out land.
Is where I am redeemed.

You have rescued me
You have heard my call
Oh God of peace you fill me
With unfailing love.

You are faithful,
You are faithful to your children.
When they call upon Your name.
You heal their sickness.
You redeem their souls from hell.
When they call upon Your name.

You are faithful,
You are faithful to your children.
When they call upon Your name.
You heal their sickness.
You redeem their souls from hell.
When they call upon Your name.

*Use this link to download this song for free, sung by Sojourn Music.

"And if I bleat, and bolt? Still with me."

2009-09-03T14:22:00.000-05:00

Jenni posted something great today about our metaphorical valleys. Here's an excerpt:

"The valley is arrived at in an instant. An illness. An accident. Bad news dropping–no matter how gently–from the lips of a doctor, falling like a blanket of ash upon your soul. The valley is entered. The volcano has blown. There is no water, no sustenance, no warmth. We cannot see the way out. We can only stumble along, trusting in the grip of the One who never lacks sight.

Check out the rest of the post here.

P.S. Did I ever tell you that Jenni's the reason why I read (and started my own) blogs today? Hmmmm. Guess I should have mentioned that before!

Songs to Sing

2009-09-02T17:55:00.001-05:00

Our Great God by Fernando Ortega
Eternal God, unchanging
Mysterious and unknown
Your boundless love unfailing
In grace and mercy shown
Bright seraphim in ceaseless flight
Around your glorious throne
Their voices raised both day and night
In praise to you alone

Hallelujah!
Glory be to our great God
Hallelujah!
Glory be to our great God!

Lord, we are weak and frail,
Helpless in the storm
Surround us with your angels
Hold us in your arms
Our cold and ruthless enemy
His pleasure is our harm
Rise up, oh Lord, and he will flee
Before our Sovereign God

Hallelujah!
Glory be to our great God!
Hallelujah!
Glory be to our great God!

Let every creature in the sea
And every flying bird
Let all the mountains, all the fields
And valleys of the earth
Let all the moons and all the stars
Throughout the universe
Sing praises to the Living God
Who rules them by His word

Hallelujah!
Glory be to our great God
Hallelujah!
Glory be to our great God!

Raw

2009-08-16T22:43:00.000-05:00

Please forgive me in advance if this is a bit scrambled or rambling.

I just came upon a picture post of a blog I have read for nearly a year now. The blog has been around for several years; a young mother of four speaks with witty insights and sweet memories of her children and amazing husband. Exactly one year ago Saturday, she and her husband were in a horrible plane accident while on a small weekend getaway. I think there were three or four people on the flight; she and her husband survived. He emerged from the wreckage badly burned but expecting her to already be out. When he realized she was still in the plane, he went back and pulled her out, causing even more severe burns to himself than he had already received. She was badly burned on almost every surface of her body.

I share all of this to tell you that I am so very humbled and inspired by her journey. Over the last year I have read on as despair tried so fervently to take her over. Little children don't always understand these tragedies and her kiddos and husband are her crowning glory. They both have spent months in rehabilitation and surgeries; though at some times I am sure she would say her hope was not strong, I have seen remarkable faith on her part in the healing process. She has a beautiful family; it has been a privilege to pray for her and see her taking steps daily towards her new "normal".

In memoriam of the accident and the live(s) that was/were lost, she and her husband (and many others, I am sure) hiked the mountain where the accident took place. Today, also, she posted the very first picture of herself since the accident. She is radiant. No wretched despair can hold her back; the joy and love in her shines through her eyes and her smile. I sat speechless at the confidence at which she lives. I am truly humbled and reminded of what I should be grateful for; the meaningless, trivial things that will fall away should be left behind now.

Will you take a moment and just reflect on your concerns/worries? What are they? Who do they affect? What happened that made these things so heavy on your mind and heart? Are they worth all the obesessing and anxiety? Where do your hope and joy lie?

I promise that I will be thinking on these things tonight and this evening with you. Tears spill over easily already just running through the silly things I allow to rule my thoughts. Lord forgive me and help me.

*If you'd like to know the blog name, let me know and I'll point you in the right direction. I don't want to broadcast her blog or pictures here out of respect for her and her family.

"I need help with my math"

2009-08-12T11:28:00.001-05:00

I could not stop laughing at work after hearing this 911 call by a little kid. I found this posted on Between Two Worlds yesterday; check it out when you get a chance.

(HT: Phil Johnson, Justin Taylor)

#2 Favorite Disney Movie

2009-07-24T09:48:00.000-05:00

I wish I could give you a post about my #1 favorite Disney movie (The Lion King) but nothing super exciting is happening for it right now. However, my #2 favorite - Alice in Wonderland - was recently made into a real-life movie by Tim Burton and other geniuses of film-making. None other than the amazing Johnny Depp plays the Mad Hatter; Helena Bonham Carter plays the Queen of Hearts. I was THRILLED to see this teaser trailer. Hope you enjoy it!

*Update: I'm unable to embed a video of the trailer here (the link I had kept embedding New Moon, which I wouldn't mind, but I really want you to see Alice in Wonderland!). Anyway, just use the link below to go to Yahoo trailers - Yahoo always shows the trailers in HD!

Alice in Wonderland trailer on Yahoo

Genius!

2009-07-23T18:20:00.001-05:00

So stinking cool! I hope I can be this creative someday!

My steps to stupid

2009-07-14T15:45:00.000-05:00

I was busy laughing my head off a few minutes ago while reading SCL (#576, in particular, had me giggly) when I got to one of Jon's serious Wednesday posts. Jon is a great writer - he has the unique ability to write the way that people think. Or, maybe, he writes the way that I think. I don't know. But in either case, I am never surprised when I stumble across a post that reminds me of my own mindset or behavior.

That's why, when I stopped laughing and started reflecting on #566, I realized I needed to post about the message. In not so many words, he wrote about "steps to stupid" or things that are indicative of a wayward attitude. He reminded me of the recent tugging on my conscience to be mindful of what I'm doing with my time. My pastor has talked about this same thing before on one of the church blogs; the things that do not stir affection for Christ. So, here you go - I'm going to mention some things that can easily be defined, when indulged in, as my "steps to stupid".

1. Mindless TV watching
2. Overeating
3. Excessive isolation
4. Movies/TV/books with dramatic romance
5. Missing church services
6. More than 2 drinks at happy hour
7. Idle conversation
8. Gossip - anywhere (work, home, church, etc)
9. Fantasyland
10. Comparing myself to others

I admit that there are both basic (i.e. applicable for all Christians) and personal (i.e. applicable for just me as far as I know) items on this list. Some are universal thieves of affection for Christ; others are definitely true for me but not necessarily everyone. I won't spend time categorizing the items because, honestly, I don't know your heart and I've been a part of some disagreements on this topic. This verse always comes to mind when I reflect on this topic:

Philippians 4:8 - "Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things."

I put my actions, thoughts, words, motivations, choices, plans - everything - up against this verse. If I cannot say with a pure heart that what I will do/have done lines up with this verse, then it goes onto my "steps to stupid" list. "Stupid" is a bad, lonely, sad, angry place to be. I want to avoid it like the plague. More than even that, though, I want to pay very careful attention to these things, and others yet to be revealed, so that my affection is stirred for Christ, not squashed. He is my goal, He is my treasure; in Him I live and move and have my being - not in a list of goods and bads - just Him.

Look for my next post where I lay out a few things that stir my affections for Christ.

Until next time,
Ang

Funny!

2009-07-10T12:54:00.000-05:00

I know it's been awhile since I've posted - I promise to get around to it soon! I've been uber-busy this summer with travel and work and reading Harry Potter (I'm about 10 years behind the craze).

Anyway, found a new blog that I might add to my reader; I have to share this funny video on the blog. Check it out below!

New Moon trailer #1

2009-06-01T00:09:00.000-05:00

I can't help but be excited. I've been a fan of the books for about a year now. If you've already the series, it may sound crazy that New Moon is one of my two favorites: Breaking Dawn is definitely #1. I can already tell the quality of the filming is way better than Twilight. It's going to be great!

Here's the first of (hopefully) several trailers for New Moon:

Click here for the Yahoo's HD New Moon trailer!

Indescribable

2009-05-31T01:57:00.000-05:00

100th post YAY!

2009-05-31T01:20:00.000-05:00

For the occasion, enjoy some fun "Do Re Me Fa So La Ti Do" :)

(HT: Ray Ortlund/Christ is Deeper Still)

Beatboxing

2009-05-30T22:52:00.000-05:00

Whoa.

Online Beatboxing Champion @ Yahoo! Video

Discernment

2009-05-27T23:10:00.000-05:00

I enjoy learning about spiritual gifts. It is one of the coolest things to see in the Church; people discovering their gifts and God using those gifts for His glory.

The Resurgence has been posting a series about spiritual gifts. I've really liked reading through them. Today, I finally got to read one that pertains to me: discernment.

Check out the whole series to date here.

Peace & chicken grease,
Ang

Sorry it's been so long!

2009-05-27T23:03:00.001-05:00

Lots to talk about - very little time to do so. Here are a few quick updates:

I'm leading a step study group for The Village's Recovery program this summer
The Thill/Beauvais family reunion is June 26-28 in Great Bend, KS - I'm so excited!
My church officially branched out into the city of Dallas - Northway Church is now The Village Church, Dallas Northway campus
I accepted a new position at my company about 6 weeks ago - my new title is Quality Assurance Analyst, Survey Programming
My parents gained a new doggy - her name is Penny; she's a Rotweiler
In just a little over a week, I'll get the honor of standing by my friend (Christie) as she becomes one with her beloved

I know that I've missed something, or many somethings, but like I said - limited time. I promise I'll update again soon!!

Sara Groves song #2

2009-04-23T14:54:00.000-05:00

I'm on a Sara Groves kick - except I'm not sure it's temporary. Here is another set of lyrics for a song called "Glory Come Down".

It didn't take me too long to find
The chains you just had freed me from
I got so used to having them on
I didn't know how to live in freedom

This can't be, no it can't be
What you have intended for me
And this can't be, no it can't be
What you have intended for me

Glory, come down
Sent from your holy place
Come cleanse me now
Sovereign and holy, come make me holy now

What is it in the nature of man
That draws us away from our purpose
To despise the things of God
And love the things that hurt us

And this can't be, no it can't be
What you have intended for us
This can't be, no it cannot be
What you have intended for us

Glory, come down
Sent from your holy place
Come cleanse us now
Sovereign and holy, come make us holy
Sovereign and holy, come make us holy
Sovereign and holy, come make us holy now

This can't be, no it can't be
What you have intended for me
This can't be, no it cannot be
What you have intended for me

Glory, come down
Sent from your holy place
Come cleanse us now
Sovereign and holy, come make us holy
Sovereign and holy, come make us holy
Sovereign and holy, come make us holy now

Straight from your holy place,
Lord, make us holy as you are holy
Send it down Lord, just a little bit of heaven here on earth
Send down your glory
Lord we need you, Lord we need you, Lord we need you
Lord I love you, Lord I love you, Lord I love you
Thank you Jesus, thank you Jesus, thank you Jesus

*written by Sara Groves

Something changed

2009-04-19T01:46:00.000-05:00

Something changed inside me broke wide open all spilled out
Till I had no doubt that something changed

Never would have believed it till I felt it in my own heart
In the deepest part the healing came

And I cannot make it
And I cannot fake it
And I can't afford it
But it's mine

Something so amazing in a heart so dark and dim
When a wall falls down and the light comes in

And I cannot make it
And I cannot fake it
And I can't afford it
But it's mine

*Written by Sara Groves

For poetry fans this month

2009-04-07T16:38:00.000-05:00

April is National Poetry Month here in the United States. Abraham had a fun post a few days ago about a poet named Billy Collins. He included a youtube video of Mr. Collins reciting a poem of his called The Lanyard. Definitely jump to the article on NPR but I would recommend watching the youtube video as well. There's nothing like hearing someone read their own work - the inflection, tone, humor, wit, emotion are all much more accurate when read from the mouth of the author.

Enjoy!

"The Lanyard"

The other day as I was ricocheting slowly
off the pale blue walls of this room,
bouncing from typewriter to piano,
from bookshelf to an envelope lying on the floor,
I found myself in the L section of the dictionary
where my eyes fell upon the word lanyard.

No cookie nibbled by a French novelist
could send one more suddenly into the past --
a past where I sat at a workbench at a camp
by a deep Adirondack lake
learning how to braid thin plastic strips
into a lanyard, a gift for my mother.

I had never seen anyone use a lanyard
or wear one, if that’s what you did with them,
but that did not keep me from crossing
strand over strand again and again
until I had made a boxy
red and white lanyard for my mother.

She gave me life and milk from her breasts,
and I gave her a lanyard.
She nursed me in many a sickroom,
lifted teaspoons of medicine to my lips,
set cold face-cloths on my forehead,
and then led me out into the airy light

and taught me to walk and swim,
and I, in turn, presented her with a lanyard.
Here are thousands of meals, she said,
and here is clothing and a good education.
And here is your lanyard, I replied,
which I made with a little help from a counselor.

Here is a breathing body and a beating heart,
strong legs, bones and teeth,
and two clear eyes to read the world, she whispered,
and here, I said, is the lanyard I made at camp.
And here, I wish to say to her now,
is a smaller gift--not the archaic truth

that you can never repay your mother,
but the rueful admission that when she took
the two-tone lanyard from my hands,
I was as sure as a boy could be
that this useless, worthless thing I wove
out of boredom would be enough to make us even.

Texas weather

2009-03-10T23:16:00.000-05:00

About an hour ago I walked around my entire apartment and closed all of the windows. I have enjoyed the warm breeziness that's been hanging around for a few days. Now I'm just warming up after all the goosebumps from the cool air blowing into my apartment. I don't think I've closed my windows once in 3 or 4 days; I ran a few errands around 6pm today in my basketball shorts and flip flops. This crazy Texas weather has made me put the afghan back on my bed for the night. Boo.

WHY?!?!

Flowers and memories

2009-03-09T11:25:00.000-05:00

Some of you readers may know that my grandmother died about a month ago. Just a few hours shy of Valentine's Day, the long battle of osteoporosis and the very brief battle with pneumonia were over; she was 87 years old. I miss her immensely. The loss is especially real on Fridays as I drive home instead of heading over to her Oak Cliff home for take out food and a few episodes of Are You Smarter Than A 5th Grader or a game of Tile Rummy. The rosary, wake, and funeral were all very nice. The final goodbye still brings raw emotions to the surface when I think about a few of my cousins, and my sisters, as they buckled under the weightiness of such a deep loss.

When I returned to work, I found a sweet little rose bush on my desk along with a sympathy card from my co-workers. (Have I ever mentioned how AWESOME my co-workers are?) I took the little rose bush home and set out to create a lasting memory of my grandma. My parents took me to Home Depot to buy soil, rose plant food, and a few other flowers for potting. It's been about three weeks since I started to test my green thumb and everytime I go outside to check out the flowers, I get a sweet reminder of who they are for.

Here are a few pictures of the flowers over the last few weeks:

Marigolds (2/25/09)

Primose (2/25/2009)

Mini Rose bush (2/25/2009)

Marigolds (today)

Primrose (today)

Mini Rose bush (today) - poor little rose bush :-(

You'll notice that my little rose bush has not faired well. I don't have any idea how to make it better! It makes me so sad too. The other two plants are doing great though. The primrose is the cutest little thing; it grows so fast! The marigolds are very cheerful and have a lot of little blooms on the way.

I didn't realize something until after I brought the flowers home to my patio: my grandmother's name was Flora.

Two more pictures for you, Blogworld.

Flora Elizabeth Beauvais Thill (1922-2009)

Aspiring...

2009-02-18T00:56:00.000-06:00

...to be spoken of this way.

"They say there is a young lady in [New Haven] who is beloved of that great Being who made and rules the world, and that there are certain seasons in which this great Being, in some way or other invisible, comes to her and fills her mind with exceeding sweet delight, and that she hardly cares for anything, except to meditate on him—that she expects after a while to be received up where he is, to be raised up out of the world and caught up into heaven; being assured that he loves her too well to let her remain at a distance from him always. There she is to dwell with him, and to be ravished with his love and delight forever…. She has a strange sweetness in her mind, and singular purity in her affections; is most just and conscientious in all her conduct; and you could not persuade her to do anything wrong or sinful, if you would give her all the world, lest she should offend this great Being. She is of a wonderful sweetness, calmness and universal benevolence of mind; especially after this great God has manifested himself to her mind…She loves to be alone, walking in the fields and groves, and seems to have someone invisible always conversing with her."

Jonathan Edwards, speaking of his future wife in 1723

Way to go Ree!

2009-02-17T21:47:00.000-06:00

I know I've talked about this before: I really, really like blogs.

I like reading them. I like writing them. I like finding new blogs to follow. I really like opening my Google Reader every day to catch up with the most recent news.

I've followed Between Two Worlds by Justin Taylor for the longest time. His blog actually is the reason why I started following blogs. Justin pulls from so many sources of world news, product releases, pastor musings, etc. I feel like I get a well-rounded access to the Christian worldview through this blog.

I found Ree's blog, Confessions of a Pioneer Woman, a few months ago. I don't know how I went so long without knowing about her daily musings, recipes and photos. I spent one Friday evening reading all 42 of the entries about her journey from "Black Heels to Tractor Wheels", the story about how she met her Marlboro Man. She is hilarious, her recipes are uh-mazing, and she gives great advice about homeschooling, Photoshop and how to wrangle four farm kids!

Well, it was really exciting to see that one of my very favorite magazines, Time, listed Ree's blog as one of the Top 25 Blogs. WOW! Out of the thousands of blogs in the blogosphere, it's hard to imagine that a list for only 25 could be created. However, I could not agree more with Ree's being on the list - it's quite well deserved :)

If you've never really been a follower of blogs, now is a good time. Check out some of the blogs on Time's list - The Huffington Post, Got2BeGreen and Freakonomics are pretty good. Don't forget to check out my favorites Pioneer Woman and B2W as well!

Oil on my face?!

2009-02-13T18:33:00.001-06:00

Okay, I have to confess.

I have bad skin.

Of course, this is probably not the type of confession you had in mind but really, it can be quite gross. As much as I try to get it all cleared up, there are still little blackheads on my T-zone and hard cyst-like bumps on my jawline. Some of the mess is due to hormones (that's a whole different post) but for the most part, it's just bad skin. I eagerly look forward to summer months when the dry air and sunshine give me a nice tan; it's my skin's solace.

I know I'm not alone. Which is why I got all giddy when I saw Melanie's post about her top 10 can't-live-without beauty products. I've heard of some products (Oil of Olay Regenerist gets so many awards - it beat La Mer!), and others are on my list to try (CG Lash Blast mascara looks fun!).

#8 on her list tripped me up and confused the heck out of me. Olive Oil and Castor Oil?! Also known as the Oil Cleansing Method. Just mentioning the words "oil" and "face" in the same sentence makes me want to grab my off-brand cetaphil as I run to the bathroom.

So, of course, I have to tell Suzanne. She's my one buddy who really enjoys and seeks out natural products. Also, she's much more brave than me about trying these types of things. If she likes it, then I KNOW I don't have anything to worry about!

Guess what?! Suzanne loved it! Read about her "Happy Skin" if you don't believe me.

I'm so stinking excited that I'm running out tonight to buy some fresh Sunflower Seed and Castor Oils. Thanks for the tip, Big Mama!

Snuggie/Slanket epidemic!

2009-02-09T11:09:00.000-06:00

AHHH!!! Run for your QVC-lovin' lives!! There is a huge epidemic at the moment that I think can only be remedied with a good dose of a snuggle with my mom's handmade crocheted blanket: the Snuggie, aka Slanket, epidemic!!

Apparently I didn't take the cheesy commercials serious enough; I mean, how many of us have laughed at the Shamwow or Rotato claims of being "the best product ever"? I think I may have even chuckled after hearing my sister quip about her temptation to buy one for herself. *GASP*

However, over the last week or so I have read three - count with me 1, 2, 3 - blog posts about this crazy blanket that's supposedly great for couch-lounging or staying warm while reading a book.

Melissa at Living Proof Ministries
Melanie at Big Mama blog (two posts, bless her heart!)

Be afraid, be very afraid of this epidemic! Before you know it, you'll be dialing that toll free number to claim your own and mothers around the world will weep at the neglect of their coveted crocheted blankets or high school/college t-shirt collage quilts.

Consider yourself warned!!

Facebook friends: BK "unfriending"

2009-01-29T16:56:00.000-06:00

My co-worker and Facebook friend, Jordan, sent me a link to an interesting article in the Times.

While I hurmphed and giggled my way through the funny (and true!) stabs at Facebook, I was struck with such a happy realization: not one of you, dear Facebook Friends, "unfriended" me for a Whopper. My lil heart was warmed with this thought.

I'd rather not consider the 10,000 other reasons why you refused to trade the sanctity of our Facebook friendship for a Burger King Whopper (all 760 calories and 47 grams of fat of it). Like the fact that you are a vegetarian. Or that you didn't hear about BK's promotion. Or that you were too busy describing "the virulence of [your] bronchitis". Maybe you were uploading the pictures of your recent ski trip or changing your relationship status back to single (if the latter, I'm so sorry to hear it).....I digress.

Instead, I choose to continue in blissful naivety and believe that you enjoy my random status updates just as much as I enjoy yours.

Here's to our continued virtual friendship!

#480 at Stuff Christians Like

2009-01-28T10:48:00.001-06:00

Check it out, especially if you are akin to self-loathing.

In light of Tuesday

2009-01-22T16:22:00.000-06:00

John Piper wrote a post about the inauguration and the crash of flight 1549 in the Hudson River. Many of the points that he makes were the very thing on my mind in reflection over both of these events. Check out the post when you get a chance.

Already

2009-01-21T00:00:00.001-06:00

Geez. I'm only to the introduction to Confessions and I already feel the weightiness of this book. Wow.

"Who will give me help, so that I may rest in You? Who will help me, so that you will come into my heart and inebriate it to the end that I may forget my evils and embrace You, my one good?"

I'm also about 18 days into a reading plan for reading the entire Bible in one year. I'm following the Discipleship Journal Bible Reading Plan; just click on the link and it will take you to a PDF file. It's been rather enjoyable and has challenged my undisciplined nature quite a bit so far.

That's about it. I'm trying to take it easy for awhile; I haven't had the best health for the last few weeks and I'm honestly feeling a little low. Thankfully, I've found much solace in this commonly-quoted scripture, though its richness has not dulled regardless of the many times I've heard it or claimed it to date.

Also, I was reminded on Sunday that we serve a jealous God. Not meaning the ugly connotation of the word "jealous" but rather in the God-is-all-powerful-and-will-not-allow-any-other-gods-in-His-place kind of jealous.

This gives me tremendous hope.

Calling all Disney movie lovers...

2009-01-07T23:52:00.000-06:00

I thought you might enjoy this video; I'm so naive that I didn't know Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs was the very first Disney movie. The video tells about the history, the work, and end result of the original film.

Enjoy!

Happy New Year!

2008-12-31T15:06:00.000-06:00

Here's to Love and His many blessings in the New Year!

"The world moves for Love. It kneels before It in awe."

Mexican Lasagna

2008-12-30T14:01:00.000-06:00

Abraham at 22 Words just asked us to add our links to a recent post with our favorite potluck dish. Since a friend of a friend just reached out to me on Christmas for this recipe, I decided to add it to the good 'ole blog :D It's a family recipe that fed quite the many hungry college kids when I was a Resident Assistant in college.

~1 pkg of 20 fajita size flour tortillas (you won't use all but you'll probably need more than 12)
~1 can of cream of chicken soup
~1 can of Ranch Style Beans
~1 can of regular Rotel tomatoes & chiles
~1 lb ground beef, browned & crumbled
~About half of 1 lb regular velveeta, sliced in 1/4" inch slices
~13" x 9" glass pan
~non-stick spray

Cook your meat, slice the cheese, spray your pan. Preheat the oven to 375. Heat the tortillas slightly in the microwave so that they're flexible. Begin the lasagna layers with the flour tortillas, one for each corner and however many you need to create a complete cover of the bottom. You don't want the other layers to leak through while it's cooking.

The next items to be added go in the following order using half of the ingredients for your first layer: cream of chicken soup, meat, beans, rotel, cheese. Do your second complete layer the exact same way, beginning with another layer of flour tortillas, then soup, etc.

Bake for approximately 30-45 minutes; look for the cheese on top to be melted and you will see the beginning of some little brown spots on the cheese. (Don't worry - the brown spots don't mean it is burned!) We usually serve it with tortilla chips or salad, as well as guacamole and/or salsa. You can also switch out the ground beef for cooked chicken if you'd like.

ENJOY!

Waaah!

2008-12-29T14:35:00.001-06:00

Poor Cowboys. The last line of the article sums it up the best.

I'll still be sporting my Cowboys wear even though the season is over. I can't decide now to be a fair weather fan :D

Pre-Christmas Jolly

2008-12-23T14:38:00.001-06:00

It's here!! My holiday cheer is finally here!!!

You guys know what I'm talking about. There are several different types of people around holiday times - enthusiasts, traditionalists, complacents, Debbie-downers, etc. I would call myself a humbug this year up to until about 24 hours ago. Though I am celebrating in my own special way the birth of Jesus - the true reason behind Christmas - I am outwardly just not very excited for the holidays. Thanksgiving is fun, sure. But I think I've been burned out on Christmas for a few years now. America makes it too much of a consumer holiday - which is ironic if you think about it - I work in the research sector that studies consumers among many other things. So, shouldn't I be celebrating this consumeristic holiday? Indirectly, it pays my bills.

I digress.

Since I was about 17 years old, Christmas has meant sad times for me. I won't go into details for both the sake of time (you know we're all rushing around these days) and for the sake of escaping those memories. It's just a sad 2-3 months for me. I'm not blaming it on the weather like a lot of psychologists will. I really enjoy glummy weather when 99.9% of the year in Texas is boiling hot. I'll take the damp, cool and cloudy days when I can get them.

However, as of yesterday when the decorations were hung in my cubicle (see pic below), my holiday cheer has arrived! My team at work had what I'm calling a Holiday Gift Extravaganza!! We had potluck foods and exchanged creative/funny gifts with our Secret Santas. It was a blast! I included a few pics of the fun below. The HGE spurred me on even more and I'm excited to go home to finish up my present wrapping.

So, I am hoping if you've been a humbug like me for the last 2 months that something fun will shock you out of Debbie-downer mode and wake up your holiday cheer.

Merry Christmas Blogworld!

20 books to read in your 20's

2008-12-04T18:46:00.000-06:00

Hey friends!

I happened upon this really interesting list by Justin Buzzard at Buzzard Blog. It combines three things that I enjoy and love VERY much: lists, books, and Jesus!

Check it out! And don't be discouraged if you are no longer in your twenties (or have yet to reach them, for that matter). I am sure that these books are quite valuable when read at any age!

Peace & chicken grease,
Ang

(HT: B2W)

I wish I could pay bills like this man!

2008-12-02T11:44:00.001-06:00

You have to check out this email exchange between a man and a utility company. I am quite convinced that he is owed some amount of excuse from his bill simply because of the great effort he put into "paying" the bill.

Maybe Time Warner will accept my drawing of a teddy bear for this month's bill....

News from India

2008-11-26T16:38:00.000-06:00

Hello Blogworld,

I spent a few minutes thinking today about what I am grateful for in this life. I had a cheesy twist on the obligatory "I'm thankful for...." list prepared. I worked on my wittiness and attempted to come up with dry and humorous lines.

I was then struck by news that some terrorists in the large city of Mumbai, India attacked at least 7 different places. They ran into luxury hotels, hospitals, restaurants and started shooting people. At the present time, it is just after 4am in India with nearly 80 people dead and over 200 injured. The attackers are now holed up in at least two hotels with a number of hostages, some reports say upwards of 4 dozen at this time. The shooting, grenades, bombs, fires are still taking place at this very moment.

So, as my supervisor sits on pins and needles, hoping desperately that none of her friends and family were in the area when the attacks started nearly 6 hours ago, how can I be cheery and say "Have a happy Thanksgiving"?

I don't. I refuse to pretend and I now ask the Lord to open my eyes, break my heart for the people who are and will be affected by this atrocity. Instead of simply fleeting away from the office tonight to my smorgasborg of food tomorrow, I go to my supervisor, my friend, and tell her that I'm sorry. I tell her that I am hoping and praying that her family and friends are not hurt, though I know these remarks will not heal the wound that is left when your home country is attacked in such a vicious way.

The media is saying the attacks were targeted mainly towards foreigners of British and American descent. They purposely asked to see passports to decide who would die and would could live. I'm speechless and I wonder out loud "Why?" Even the chief over the anti-terrorism department in India was murdered.

Please be in prayer for the people of India, for the government, for the families and friends of those who have been killed or injured. Pray that God, in is infinite mercy, would stop the terrorists from killing anyone else and that the government would be able to take control NOW. Also pray that justice will be served towards those who planned and/or partook in this sad day.

Lucy Liu

2008-11-20T16:44:00.001-06:00

My couch potato :-)

I'm off to Lampasas again!

2008-11-20T16:26:00.000-06:00

View Larger Map

Hola Amigos & Amigas!

I'm taking the weekend off and am heading to Lampasas. My cousin's parents have a nice ranch house, complete with cows, deer corn, and a lick pop.

I thoroughly look forward to the two days of quiet. And the stars. Goodness. You would not believe how beautiful the stars are.

When I am in the midst of such things that are far bigger and grander than I am, I am reminded of a beautiful passage in the book of Job. Here is the excerpt I'm specifically thinking of:

Where were you when I laid the foundation of the earth?

Tell me, if you have understanding.

Who determined its measurements—surely you know!

Or who stretched the line upon it?

On what were its bases sunk,or who laid its cornerstone,

when the morning stars sang together

and all the sons of God shouted for joy?

(Job 38:4-7)

Me too, webcomic genius, me too

2008-11-18T11:10:00.001-06:00

This has always bugged me and alas, someone else agrees!

How does he know....

2008-11-17T19:59:00.001-06:00

... how I'm feeling/what I'm thinking/what I always hope is my next step/exactly how I fail each time?

(Mr. Pitty-Piper hitting it out of the park again.)

Where have I been? Where have YOU been?!

2008-11-16T14:28:00.000-06:00

I'm sorry, blogworld; I know it's been awhile. Work has been extremely busy and tiring and is stretching me to my limits. This is not a complaint, just a comment :-) I love my job.

So, for the sake of getting something out here since November 1st, I'll give you a quick link to a recent blog by Mr. Piper. I enjoyed it and recommend reading it; John relays a message that I just recently grasped and truly believe for myself.

Until next time, peace.

SNL Suprise Party

2008-11-02T01:20:00.000-05:00

L-O-V-E this video skit!

Halloween!

2008-10-31T13:08:00.000-05:00

I thought you might enjoy a little insight into my day at the office. I entered into a costume contest and will let you know of the results from the vote later today!

Art is a king today; can you guess which one?

Jordan is making light of a favorite past-time of the Republican VP nominee.

EDIT: Here is Kaci in her "working from home" costume - greatness!!

Guarding my heart

2008-10-29T11:56:00.000-05:00

Tyler Kenney recently posted on Desiring God's blog; his short but weighty message has me thinking today. At this point, I'm still munching on this little morsel. Proverbs 4:23 was one of the very first scripture verses I memorized when I was a baby Christian. It's interesting to see it in new light today.

More thoughts to come later today....

Trailer

2008-10-24T17:11:00.000-05:00

I'm pretty excited for the release of this movie just less than a month from now. Enjoy!

http://vids.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=vids.individual&videoid=33429578

http://vids.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=vids.individual&videoid=39119647

http://vids.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=vids.individual&videoid=44287812

It was a great weekend

2008-10-20T17:00:00.000-05:00

...but my heart is still very heavy three days later. Not only do I have a brand new perspective on the book of Job, which on its own is sobering at the very least. I also think I have a different idea of what suffering can be in this world.

My life is so lofty and cushioned. I do not thank Him for His providence and I also struggle to see/think/feel beyond my day-to-day existence in this rich life. I fear this life I live could be the death of me, a warning preached regularly from my church's pulpit. So, honestly, I am trying to figure out where to go from here. In what manner do I continue through this life in the very place that He has me with this new knowledge?

Austin, here I come!

2008-10-16T12:28:00.000-05:00

I just had to blog really quickly and let you know how EXCITED I am to be in Austin this weekend. My best friend Karen and I are leaving tonight to stay with her parents while we attend the Desiring God conference at Hill Country Baptist Church.

The conference is centered around the story of Job; I anticipate a lot of thought-provoking moments. I watched a video on youtube (sorry, I'm at work and can't provide the hyperlink) that shows some illustrations from Piper's book, Job. It's a guess but I'm thinking the conference will be tied to this book; I'm interested to find out what God has in store.

I'll try to blog about the conference when I get back.

Blogging about nonsense

2008-10-14T14:10:00.000-05:00

Hey Blogworld!

I was just thinking about how happy I am that it's raining. It is 2:11pm on a weekday, the clouds are out. I'm sitting in my living room with the window blinds open, no artificial light in the room, and I'm listening to the sweet tickle of rain drops on the trees outside. Oops, the rain just picked up so now it sounds a little more like a rain faucet, but who cares ;)

I want to make a quick little list of things that make me happy, much like the mid-afternoon gloomy day rain that's happening at this very moment.

1. Turning all the lights out in my apartment except my little lamp next to the bed; then, slipping under the silky, cold covers to read until I doze off (usually only takes a few pages!)

2. Laughing hysterically with my sisters.

3. Snuggling with my furry kitty Lucy in the morning in bed before I head to the shower.

4. Dinner & margaritas or wine at home with "the girls".

5. The transition from Summer to Autumn in North Texas. There is nothing like ending the day with a cool breeze during dusk.

6. Kissing bald babies. My cousin's 3-month-old was irresistible this past weekend in Kansas.

7. Staying up late with my extended family, hearing the same old stories of my aunts/uncles/dad's childhood memories and yet still finding them hilarious.

8. When I'm at work and the office gets a little dark because of bad weather or it's really just that late in the evening.

9. Singing quietly (or not at all), listening to the men and women of faith singing during the music time in church. Let this place echo your worth (You are worthy), let this place echo your worth.

10. Singing at the top of my lungs with the men and women of faith at church. It's a new day; everything will change, things will never be the same. We will never be the same, we will never be the same!

11. Words. Being more specific: words that describe His infinite mystery, love, mercy. I particularly enjoy songs that admit our words are not enough to explain Him (So High by various artists like Jeff Johnson). Or, songs that basically proclaim back to God who He is. Pretty awesome.

12. The little things that point to His sovereign hand over me.

13. Ice cold water on a hot day.

14. That feeling I get when I've accomplished something significant, like a really long book or a huge load of laundry.

15. Smiling.

Of course, this list is not exhaustive but it'll give you a little insight into my random mind :)

Wordle drool

2008-10-07T15:41:00.000-05:00

Oh goodness. I think I have found a new favorite website. For someone who REALLY enjoys words, I could spend a lot of time on this website. I don't think I can convey how deeply words affect me on a daily basis. All I can say is that I am grateful for the love of words that was knitted into my being :-)

Enjoy the wordles below of my very favorite psalm and the passage from Romans that changed my life.

Peace & chicken grease,
Ang

L-O-V-E

2008-10-06T16:03:00.001-05:00

Enough said ;-)

www.edwardmonkton.com

The Handbag of Glory

2008-10-06T15:52:00.000-05:00

This is for my friend Suzanne. I thought of her because of this UH-MAZING yellow patent leather hobo bag that she possesses. I adore it, probably more than she realizes!

(Check out Ed Monkton's website. He has some other really funny illustrations like the one above.)

Bumping bruises

2008-10-06T13:50:00.000-05:00

"We might want to say — maybe even scream — "Don't touch me there!" But sometimes right there is the very place we need to be healed. When somebody rubs up against a sensitive spot, they help us to realize that we still have work to do, that we have imagined that we are further along than we actually are. We hold onto so many illusions about ourselves. Pain can sometimes help us to awaken to the reality that we must let those illusions go."

Jenny Schroedel, To Forgive Is To Surrender, BOUNDLESS Webzine, article published in June 2007.

Eustace = Me

2008-10-02T16:59:00.000-05:00

Though I have yet to read The Voyage of the Dawn Treader, #5 in the Chronicles of Narnia, I have heard things about it from other bloggers and writers. The first person to enlighten my curiousity was the Executive Pastor at my church; Josh said that Dawn Treader is his favorite of the series. The second person to spark my enthusiasm for this book was Jenny Schroedel. She is an occasional writer for Boundless, a webzine for college kids and twenty-somethings. Check out the article she wrote about "becoming undragoned." Here is my favorite excerpt from the book:

Then the lion said — but I don't know if it spoke — "You will have to let me undress you." I was afraid of his claws, but I can tell you, I was pretty nearly desperate now. So I just lay flat down on my back to let him do it.... That very first tear he made was so deep that I thought it had gone right into my heart. And when he began pulling the skin off, it hurt worse than anything I'd ever felt. The only thing that made me able to bear it was just the pleasure of feeling the stuff peel off.

Laughing like a lunatic

2008-09-28T23:10:00.000-05:00

My cat scratched me because she couldn't fathom the crazy noises erupting from my mouth when I read this post. Hilarious.

(HT: One Thing)

Week 4: Loss 24-26

2008-09-28T22:44:00.000-05:00

I was just bragging to my uncle on Friday, "How in the world could the Cowboys lose against the Redskins this weekend if we beat both Philly and Green Bay back to back?!"

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I'm eating my words right now. Better luck next week, 'Boys!

will You please?

2008-09-25T16:53:00.000-05:00

In this moment my ears are burning and my eyes are wide open. I can feel the tinges of that internal ache of the heart I've described before.

You have to read these two posts by Mark Driscoll.